A
female
age
,
*emelza
writes:I split up from my husband about three years ago, as he was cold, disinterested in me or our son, and refused to give me any housekeeping. I started a very romantic affair with a guy, got myself a rented house where my son and I were happy. My new boyfriend was ready to move in, but I chickened out and went back to my husband, who promised "to change". He now gives me money but hardly any attention, except when he wants sex, and I find myself dreaming/thinking about my boyfriend, who texts me regularly and wants us to be together. My husband knows about this guy (and others) and he accepts it was "his fault"and "didn't blame me". He said I can do what I like, and suggested that swinging would spice up our marriage,too. I long for romantic love again....
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (29 August 2012):
 I smell trouble. Things could end badly. Your boyfriend will end up looking foolish or being exposed in an unfair game. Could even end up being dangerous. Your husband sounds cold and calculating. He might drug your b/f and he'll end up dead. Oooops. Don't go through with it. And seriously you shouldn't stay unless you are truly in love. Think things through more slowly.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 SWINGING does NOT fix a broken marriage.
now if you can handle POLYAMORY (and your bf and husband can deal with it) then investigate that...
My story:
I was a swinger in my last marriage. It was what lead me to finding another man that I wanted as a second husband... my first husband could not cope with the idea of polyamory but he loved to swing because it stroked his ego... while my having a man who wanted me made him crazy.
I ended up with the boyfriend and now we are getting married.
SWINGING and POLYAMORY will NOT save broken marriages.
Your marriage is broken either fix it with your husband or do the right thing and leave him again and go back to a man that wants you and makes you happy... why in the world did you go back in the first place?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 August 2012):
 Hi
You have a man who DOES want you, he's still waiting and wanting to make you happy again, your a very lucky lady.
You must know it was a mistake to go back to a husband who doesnt care,who doesnt make you happy? Swinging will not save your marriage it will only make you feel bad.
Leave,divorce, move forward to happiness while you still can.Your husband will just have to get used to it, he will move on eventually.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I think you were happier with your boyfriend. You only live life once, remember.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I believe that your husband is no longer romantically in love with you and hasn't been for years. He doesn't want to be alone but he hasn't found anyone else. Maybe he isn't looking but it isn't out of any loyalty to you. He just doesn't want the bother of having to build and nurture a new relationship.
When he has sex with you his mind is elsewhere. He's given you permission to do whatever you want on the side because it suits HIM, not because it might suit you. He figures your man friend will make up for what he doesn't give you and it will keep you quiet.
Your husband is trying to give you just enough reason to stay without actually putting himself out. That is also the reason behind the desire to swing.
I put it this bluntly not to hurt you, but to give you an honest assessment of the situation as I see it and to prevent you from being further injured by false hope. This is as good as it's going to get in my opinion. You may choose to continue living your own lives under the same roof, but at least you can do that with your eyes open.
Then again, maybe this is exactly what you want to hear so you can muster up the courage to finally leave him and make a new life with your boyfriend. Word of caution though, I really suggest you and your son live on your own for a while, if you do plan to leave him. So much of your life has been intertwined with your husband's that I think some space and time to regroup and rediscover yourself would do wonders.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 August 2012):
 Swinging might spice up HIS sex life, I don't think it will save your marriage though. Honestly, it sounds to me like he wants to play around.
You need to (let me put it bluntly) Shit or get off the pot. You either want to be with your husband or your BF - you can't have both. That just in't going to work for ANYONE.
So honey, figure out what you really want and go for it.
Adding swinging to an already unstable marriage is NOT a viable solution. And swinging has nothing to do with romantic love, you should know that.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 August 2012):
 Do you now regret going back to your husband? Sounds as though you do.
His idea of "swinging" to spice up your almost non-existent sex life, quite frankly, stinks.
What would you think about leaving him and starting divorce proceedings so that you can be with the new man eventually, OR live on your own completely independent?
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