A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am at a loss as what to do. My husband and I have been having problems lately because of another girl. This is the story. Right after we got married and had our second child, (the first was 5 at the time) we were doing great. Then 1 month into our marriage he claims that he was sitting at lunch when some guys asked him how hot some woman was that worked with them. After answering, later that day, he said he was sitting by his forklift when she walked by and he imagined having sex with her. Then later that day again. Now, I know men do this, and whatever as long as it doesn't make it to reality then that's good,right. Well, he told me when we were watching the show on Fox where they hook you up to the lie detector and ask you questions. We were kinda answering the questions ourselves when they asked "Have you ever had sexual thoughts or feelings about a co-worker?" He tells me yes. Now at the time it crushed me because when you just have a baby and he tells you that it was right after that (I know this b/c he switched shifts from night to day to spend quality family time together) it crushed me!! Then he changed his story and said he only said it b/c he knew if he said no, I wouldn't believe him. Then over the next few months he went back and forth on it like 10 times till he finally told me the truth.Know for the most part, we are just fine. We hardly ever fight. But now a whole new problem just entered our picture. About a year ago, my husband quit his job of 7 1/2 years b/c he was sure that he had a better one. Then 2 weeks after that he found out he didn't get it. I never, not once said anything to him the entire time he was out of work, which was 6 months b/c no one was hiring. My cousin decided to help get him on at the place he works, but it was like $10 less an hour than we were used to so he got a second job. Well, he decided that this one girl at work would be perfect for his friend. So, he started telling his friend about her and vice versa. This girl is 22 and single. Ok, now I thought in the beginning, OK this won't hurt anything, but I now think it was the worst possible mistake.My husband and I have the exact same phones and I went into what I thought were my text messages. There was one sent text at 4:13 a.m. asking "Are you up?" And I'm thinking, huh, then look at the name and it's her!! But there are no other text messages to or from her. So I go onto my online cell records and find that while he is at work working 3rd shift, he has been texting her. And he told me when I confronted him that he thought I would get the wrong idea and get mad. So this is supposed to make him look less guilty I guess. So while working 2 jobs and taking care of 2 kids, Monday night he was off and at 1:52 a.m. he gets a text from her asking if he was working. He said no and we never heard anything back. Now my husband says that they were just talking and not flirting and started telling me what the messages said and it is flirting. My husband has this low key goofy way of flirting and she is 22!! He told me that if I would've read the messages, I would've got the wrong idea and got mad!! Now, I ask you, what kind of comment is that?? I am really looking for some advice or just someone to talk to outside the situation. I don't want to go to family or friends that will eventually look at him differently. I tried explaining that as a married man, you don't talk to single 22 year old girls. One of the messages she sent she told him she was drinking with her friends and partying. Why should he know that?? My husband and I have alot in common but lately we have been so busy it's like we are in a rut. I will stay up so when he goes on lunch, we can talk, but he just talks about work and with this girls he says he can just talk to her about everything. My feeling is once he got to know her to tell his friend about he, he became interested, too. He flat out denies it and says nothing has or will happened but if things go on like this it makes me wonder. Now, the last few days we have been at each others throats and he says he just won't talk to her and it makes me feel like I am being a cold-hearted b***h and I don't want to be.Again, I am asking for an outsiders opinion and just someone to chat with about it. Thanks in advance for helping out!! I would like to save my marriage!!
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female
reader, lovesmypet +, writes (23 July 2009):
ok well first of all, im not married and i can still see your point. second of all he says "if you would have seen the messages then you would have gotten mad"... if he wasnt talking about something you would get angry over then why should he think that. if he wasnt flirting what makes him think you would get mad? a married man does NOT need to be talking to a single 22 yr old girl all the time. a married man tried that crap with me and im only 18. i was like "uh no. you have a wife and 3 children, im no home wrecker so dont even try." not that he WAS hitting on me, its just that i have respect for married women and i dont want to be known as "the tramp thats trying to mess with my husband" Anyway, what im trying to say is that she should have enough respect for YOU as his WIFE not to go about something like that. He may be compleetly innocent but after temptation prances around under their noses for so long, what man ISNT likely to give in?sorry anout the lack of capitals, i just dont take the time for that.
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