A
female
age
51-59,
*emma McD
writes:I've been married for 3 years now, and have a 3 year old child. My husband has had problems with drinking and gambling and was out of work for 2 years. He recently started working again, I had to give up working due to being seriously ill. The main problem is he has in the past taken money from my purse and used my debit card. He knew the PIN from when I was too ill to get out of bed, he would get money from my account, with my knowledge. He has on a number of occasions taken money without my consent and when I find it, it causes a massive row. Today I opened my bank statement and have been in tears over it. A lot of money has gone from my account, we are talking 4 figures, and I know it's not me. I rarely take out cash, and I don't use the cash machine it's been going from. I just don't know what to do, because we are married and have a child it's not as easy as me leaving. I'm certain he wouldn't go if I asked him to so I don't know what on earth to do. I feel stuck and trapped. We don't have that great a marriage anyway, but to find out he has done this has destroyed me. I've yet to confront him, waiting for him to come home from work, but I don't know where to turn or what to do. Can anyone give me some advice?
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (18 September 2010):
First thing is change your pin on your accounts so he can't access them anymore. After that, go find the group (I'm sure there must be one somewhere decently close to where you are) that can help single moms or women who want to leave their husbands but don't know how to. I don't know your entire situation, and I don't know how easy or hard it would be for you to leave. There's things to consider: financial, family, housing, jobs, vehicles, etc etc.
But the feeling I'm getting from you is that you want to leave. It doesn't seem as though you have feelings for him and want to make it work, more like you're just stuck there and have to live with it. If that's the case, you have to get out. It's just a matter of finding out how to do it. And hopefully those groups and resources can talk to you about what to do. But definitely change your pins and what not so he can't keep stealing from you. And don't keep cash in your purse.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 September 2010):
Either he gets help, or you leave. That's the way this has to be played now. you've got to get tough, before you find your house taken away and you and your child are left homeless. My Grandfather was an alcoholic, and because of that my mother has been deeply affected and made some bad choices (picking my father for one). You don't want that happening to your son because of your husband. Take your card back, change the pin again and siphon the money away from him slowly. But you now need to get tough, or you'll wind up with nothing. Either he gets help to stop gambling and drinking, or he leaves.
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A
female
reader, missomac +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Sweetie,
He stole money from you and he has two addictions (alcohol and gambling). This is not healthy and you know that. He is not only hurting himself, he is hurting you and your little one. Go to marriage counseling. Some local government agencies have therapists that work at a reduced rate. Go to your regional web-site and look up services. It may be under family services. Also, see if you can get him to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous. You should look into Al-Anon for yourself, that is a group for loved ones of Alcoholics. Addiction is hard on a marriage! You feel lost and alone. I know my husband had a addiction and we struggled and he got better with help!
However, if you ready and sure you want to end your or take a break from your marriage and you can't leave then ask him to leave. Ask a friend of yours (not his) to be there when you do, as a support for you!
I hope my advice is useful and helpful.
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