A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My husband keeps discouraging me all the time. He is very happy when he does it but he doesn’t know that it hurts me so much. He keeps on comparing my works with someone in his family, at one point it brings an aversion towards that person. He makes me feel as though I am fit for nothing. If I do a small mistake, he makes sure he tells everyone and they laugh at me. His argument is that,” It’s just for fun”. I have told him many times but he is not ready to understand my feeling. It really makes me go down. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 your husband is being thoughtless, unkind and disrespectful.
It is not a joke. He should not be holding you up to ridicule.
What he is doing is called ''passive aggression''
Ask him if he would like the same ridicule imposed on him?
If he cannot understand how nasty his behavior is then he is a bully with NO empathy.
Tell him that his behavior has become a nasty cruel disrespectful habit.
It is NOT funny. It is NOT a joke to you.
It might just be his version of fun, but it is totally unacceptable.
Tell him when he demeans you in public to others he is also demonstrating that he is being a disrespectful husband.
And ask him to find something that is a REAL compliment.
No feint praise which is a disguised insult.
No back-handed compliment which is a sly nasty insult. Because neither are positive.
If he is prepared to stop, and act like a respectful husband, and give you a positive REAL compliment, then DO make sure you reinforce his changed behavior
by saying something positive (in private later) everytime time he gives you a proper compliment.
This is about him complimenting you in public to others. This is about him recognising your worth.
it is not about him getting acknowledgement from you in public for him doing what he should be doing in the first place.
So in public you only need to give a shy smile, silence, and put your head down in shyness,
In private later, after the event, do thank him in private for his genuine compliment.
This is all about you retraining your husband so that he learns to treat you more respectfully,
As he should
If he keeps refusing after all the above come back to DC and The Aunts can try come up with something more punitive for this very passive aggressive mean man
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