A
female
age
51-59,
*ikerchic
writes:We are coming up on our 6th anniversary. Hubby has become more distant - we don't communicate, he is not into kissing/hugging/romance- basicly we are roommates with the benefit of sex. When it comes to sex- I am the one to initiate it- he lays there and hardly even touches me much less kiss me. There is no physical interaction. I am trying to do everythig I can to keep his interest and it feels that it is not working. He has stated in the past that I am boring (not sure if that means in general or in the bedroom cuz' we do "almost everything" and he has also stated that we have the best sexual relationship he has ever been in.) Every time I try to talk to him, he puts up a wall and gets angry with the topic of conversation. Last nite, I started to give him a blowjob and I heard a BIG UGGGHHH sound. I said "Ok, nevermind." He said,"No, its ok." The rest of the evening I was quiet and not really into it even though we continued. He tells me he loves me but I don't feel it. How do you tell someone that you don't feel appreciated or loved without starting a World War???
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female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (11 April 2010):
perhaps you need to investigate what has transpired all of a sudden. normally the lack of intimacy means "something". what this something is , you need to find out. it is very very rare that a man doesn't want a bj. one of two things in my mind - he is stressed at work or he is getting it elsewhere. time to snoop around.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 You have become the active pursuer while he's the distancer. He comes home to you every night so let me just assume that he's not out cheating. Maybe he's overworked and stressed. It could be just wrong timing. A man usually likes to be in charge. When you expect it whenever you want it before he's ready, he's going to feel it's a chore that he has to perform for you. He needs to shift from "back from work I need to relax" mode to intimacy mode. I suggest you to be counterintuitive, pull back and do absolutely nothing. He's still at his prime age, he can't go without sex for long so let him be the one who seduces you. You just have to trust that the spark is still there and is available to you. When you worry and become insecure he takes that as a sign that you don't trust his love. Men need foreplay too. Believe it or not. This relationship sounds too serious. You could be missing some fun and laughter in your lives? How about watching some comedies, or go to a nude beach?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): Hey hun, I hope I can help. Also, you'll want a male's perspective on this since we can relate to what your husband is feeling.
First of all, most important, I would say do not give up. Keep trying to talk to him and keep initiating sex and various kinky sex acts.
Second, and very important, make him feel like you need him. You need him in your life. He means the world to you, and you need him everywhere in everyway. If you're too independent and he doesn't feel needed, he won't be motivated to do anything.
Third, try to think about a time that he really felt excited to be with you. Maybe you took him to his favorite restaurant, watched one of his favorite movies, gave him a massage, played a game. Whatever it is, maybe try doing this with him.
Well I hope this helps. I wish you the best :)
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A
male
reader, JoeM  +, writes (9 April 2010):
You should talk to him about it. Maybe to start with it would be better not to put all the blame on him and share the problem. Use words like "us" and "our" instead of "you". e.g. You can bring it up by saying we used to have better sex than this, do you think there is anything we can do to spice things up? or even ask him if there is anything he would like you to do for him... ask him if there is any lingerie he'd like you to wear etc...At least this way you are sharing the problem as opposed to just putting it on him. And if he does ask you to do something... then you can say, "can you do something for me too..." and he will be more open to it then. And that would be progress!!!I would try this approach first before pointing the finger too much. If he still doesn't respond to your efforts then you will have to hit the problem head on and tell him you have needs that are not being met and you need him to try and change, for your sake.At the end of the day if he loves you, he will make the effort to meet your needs.But at the end of the day he might just not be into sex as much as you are and that is another problem in itself...
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Could be a couple of things come to mind,
1) do you think he has any reason to think your cheating on him?
2) Is he stressed or depressed?
Either case, the only thing that is going to help is communication and time.
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