A
female
age
41-50,
*ristinasubaruwrxgrl
writes:For the past few weeks my husband has been saying everything in life is bland, except my cooking and anything food-related.He's stopped having sex with me - and I miss his emotional closeness he had with me as well, he's gone quiet.Yet he insists "I'm not depressed, I'm fine!"He's not overweight, surprisingly, so weight isn't a reason why he's not having sex.I've tried talking to him, but he insists he has no problems in his life and isn't depressed (isn't that contradictory?)I've tried listening and being there for him, but have no idea what to do to get help, what can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 September 2009):
 Lots of people who are depressed don't realise it. There is, unfortunately, a stigma attached to mental illnesses such as depression that make some people feel it is a sign of weakness or emotional instability. As such, they are reluctant to apply the diagnosis to their own symptoms. It could be that your husband isn't depressed as such, but instead chronically stressed. The symptoms are very similar and it may explain his lack of interest and apparent low mood. I suggest that you try to get him to see a doctor - don't mention depression to him if he is sensitive about the subject. Ask him to go for a check-up and go with him to make sure he gets to the clinic! A GP may pick up on signs of depression if that is the problem, and it sometimes takes a complete stranger to notice these things before someone is finally ready to accept what is wrong. I also think you will have to be very patient with him. Depression is a long struggle and the first step is admitting to himself he has a problem. He must be committed to treatment - tablets, counselling etc - before it can stand a chance of success. It is that age old problem of leading the horse to water...remain supportive and consistent and hopefully he will finally accept he has a problem requiring professional help.
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