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Has my sexuality already been chosen for me?

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Question - (19 September 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2009)
A male Singapore age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i have two worries here

1)can i really choose or is sexuality something that has already been chosen for me?

2)But is it possible to just live with love?

Firstly, im not exactly sure what is my true sexuality. From around the age of 10, i have plenty of crushes on girls and that's when i felt my first erection. However, as i was growing up, i discovered that i developed feelings for a guy and even get more turned on by guys than girls. i even confessed to my best guy friend last year that i feel for him but things didn't turn out well and it took a year before we actually start talking again. That period of time sure sucks...

well to me i don't see any problem being gay but if i were to choose, i rather not be. The discriminating lifestyle that i may have to live through is just not so appealing. But can i really choose or is sexuality something that has already been chosen for me?

Secondly, although i do think that hot guys kissing and touching turn me on, but the weird thing about me is that I'm not into gay sex, such as anal sex and especially oral sex. The sight of another guy's penis is just gross and unsightly, not to mention having it into my mouth.. yucks... so even if choose to be gay, i cannot stand all those gay sex, which probably will irk my partner . I still like girls' boobs more than guy's penises.

As for the guy whom i confessed to last year, i have never once fantasize having sex with him at all. I just feel really comfortable and love to have him by my side and i do know that i love him, probably even till now cos i just can't seem to forget him. Initially i thought i just plainly love him for who he is and don't require the sex. But is it possible to just live with love? i don't know..

i know this is a long post.. sorry

View related questions: anal sex, boobs, crush, erection, kissing, oral sex, period

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (19 September 2009):

xanthic agony auntBeing a bisexual woman, I'd like to offer my perspective on your situation:

Who you find attractive isn't always something you can control, but you can definitely choose whether you act on it or not. It sounds to me as though you may be bi, leaning much more towards one sex than the other in terms of preference.

Unfortunately, bisexuality isn't the easiest thing to define. It's very fluid, some people are more drawn to one sex than the other, some people are attracted to each equally. Also, sex isn't as much of a deciding factor as people make it seem, there can be basic attraction without extending into sexual attraction. There's a possibility your confusion is due to being mostly heterosexual, not completely heterosexual.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009):

im pretty sure you arent gay, the guy you have feelings for probably saw you through a hard time in your life and he is basically family to you in your mind. my advice is get a gf and dispell any thoughts in your own mind that you might be gay. leave giving blowjobs to chicks :)

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