A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 27 years very recently told me he is Bi and tried oral sex with a man just a few weeks ago. He seems genuinely remorseful and wants us to make our marriage work. He says he would like to be able to forget that he he let himself do such an awful thing to me and our marriage But knows he will never be able to forgive himself.We are still together and are still sharing the same bed.Last night in his sleep he was crying and saying that he is so sorry and wishes he was dead.(sleep talking is common with him)Even after his confession I feel so much love for him but I am so deeply hurt I am not sure what to do... yet I can't imagine myself living without him. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): thanks for the replies everyone... we spent the night talking again and have decided that we have had 27 years that have been mostly good and I do still love him very much. I truly believe that he still loves me as well. I am not leaving. I do forgive him. He has even told me that if I feel the need to talk to tell our family about this he will deal with whatever follows if it means that i won't leave.
I feel no need for anyone else to know and if I can't let it go then I will seek counselling and he has said he will go as well
A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (5 September 2010):
It sounds like the marriage is worth saving. All you can do is forgive him and try to move past it. Also, you mentioned feeling hurt, i think hes feeling some of that too in the form of guilt. This may make it easier to forgive him as he has felt punishment for his mistake.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 Well with cases with cheating there are three types.
1. emotional affair-where the person feels something for someone else and perhaps gets physical as well (like having two relationships at once)
(Mind you, to me this is the worst case, #1 is)
2. Only physical affair-where the person has a FWB situation with someone while married
3. One time thing-When one person screws up and does something with someone else but doesn't plan on seeing them again in that fashion (like a drunken mistake, heat of the moment type of deal)
all are bad, all are wrong, but the third is definitely the least worse of the few and it sounds like this is the case for your husband. It sounds like he is genuinely sorry and that is rare in cheating situations. I suggest that you may want to seek marriage counseling, just because its the first crack in your relationship so its better to go sooner than later to get passed this before it gets worse.
I can tell you love your husband and want to make this work with him. I know its a shock too to find out that your husband is bi as well. However, on the bright side...at least he's not gay so you know he's been attracted to you still after all those years.
Another bright side is that he told you first before someone else. That takes bravery to confess a wrong doing that you've done to someone else. It doesn't make it right, but it makes it easier to deal with and get passed.
I don't think cheating is ever okay but in rare occasions I feel like its something two people can work passed and this situation I see that as a possibility, especially if he's talking in his sleep about how remorseful he feels.
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