A
female
age
51-59,
*ligrl4life
writes:i have been dating my husband since i was 16 and married for 23 feels like we have been together for a lifetime. I have always had problems telling ppl i love them but try to do it in other ways by buying things. i have also said some very hurtful things to him.i drive because we i get panic attacks when he does.I have abandoned him not doing the things he enjoys any longer, on our boat,riding his bike,snowboarding and by working alot of hrs. i did not think it was a problem because he was doing it with others. i now see what i have caused.in the past yr he has taken care of himself,diet and fixed sleep problems.he looks great and is healthy which i am so proud of him for. i am overweight and have done nothing about it maybe in a little depression for a while.i thought we would be together forever he was my soul mate someone i could always count to be there but i guess i drove him to this. i will do anything to try and fix this and hope it is not to late. i can't eat,sleep or function. i feel like i am having a heart attack and don't want to go to the dr. because i am afraid what i will be told. i love him more than anything and i broke down when he told me he wanted a divorce, i fell apart which i never do in front of ppl always do it alone. i just want him to give me another chance to show him how much he means to me and how i can add to his life. it is such a big let down because i thought this past year was good, he was perfect his attitude was good and was doing things for me. i have been waiting for the time when we could retire together and it would be the two of us enjoying life without having to worry about schedules. this is so hard i am dying is there anything i can do to make him see that we can make this work. he is not sure is he evered loved me or knows what love is. i know he did love me and i hope it is not too late, what can i do?????HELP
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divorce, overweight, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Life is too short to put up with behavior like yours. If you don't take care of your business he could very well leave.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): I agree with the last "auntie." Go and get some help and save your marriage. Show him and especially yourself that you are not giving up on yourself and your marriage!
PS-I have been married to my hubby for 20 years and have to admit that after my kids were born I never lost the baby fat for almost 2 years. I was fat and depressed. I didn't like myself too much. Our sex life was non-existent. I poured all my energies into our kids and work.
Happy to say it is not too late. . .I've lost 50 lbs. with diet and exercise , had a little nip and tuck afterward and turned my life, attitude, and marriage around. Our sex life has ramped up and I am a happier person. It's nver too late but it has to start with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): I agree with the last "auntie." Go and get some help and save your marriage. Show him and especially yourself that you are not giving up on yourself and your marriage!
PS-I have been married to my hubby for 20 years and have to admit that after my kids were born I never lost the baby fat for almost 2 years. I was fat and depressed. I didn't like myself too much. Our sex life was non-existent. I poured all my energies into our kids and work.
Happy to say it is not too late. . .I've lost 50 lbs. with diet and exercise , had a little nip and tuck afterward and turned my life, attitude, and marriage around. Our sex life has ramped up and I am a happier person. It's nver too late but it has to start with you.
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A
female
reader, green eyed mulatto +, writes (4 August 2011):
 First of all i want to say that none of whats happening is your fault and that...people change in life which is always needed. I know this must be hard and can not imagine how you must feel, but if you truly love someone sometimes you have to let them go and if it was real love truly meant to be you both will find your way back to one another! Im can not possible believe that after all these years he never loved you! That is not true no one would spend that much of their life with someone if they had not ever loved the other person! What i do want is for you to try and look a the positives of this situation, Go and spend time working on a better you shift gears, and start trying to work out more eat healthier, get a make over if you want and remind this man why he fell in love with you!If he does in fact have the same felling you obviously have from him you might be able to find your way back from this whole situation don't panic keep your head up and find out what kind of character you truly posses in a time of confusion, well wishes and good luck!!
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Tell your husband how you feel and ask him to give you another chance. Even though he's not sure that he loves you, you both know each other better than anyone else and he shouldn't give up without trying to make things better. So tell him your feelings and ask him to give you another chance. If he does, then great. If he doesn't, then you're just going to have to deal with the fact that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Wouldn't you want to be with someone who is as much in love with you as you are with them?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): It may or may not be to late.
Regardless of that, try.
But to try, you must change, and to change you must work hard, and to work hard constructively you must get professional help.
Physician, Counselor, and you must talk to him (your husband) about everything (sex, your past, your father, your mother, etc) with professional help.
If it is to late, then you need to do this for yourself anyway, and work to have a more constructive personal life.
Good luck.
By the way, my wife wouldn't really talk to me until it was almost to late...18 years...but she did...and I'm still here. She had to tell me about the abuse she had suffered, the parental neglect, the rapes, the fear, the drug use, the alcohol use, the etc, etc, etc. It was hard. She told me that she would rather have died than to have told me any of it. She was in tears just two days ago because of what was lost over those years of not talking and not really "being there", but it is OK in my mind, because I know that she really loved me through it all even if it didn't seem like it many times, and I have the person that I once knew back.
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