A
female
age
51-59,
*ini-mutley
writes:hi i really do need some advice on this matter as i am driving myself mad, I have found out that my husband is looking at porn on the internet and that he had subscribed to a few sites that girls get back to you on, he is doing this when i am at work or if i go to bed early as i do shift work which intails both ends of the day sometimes, just recently he as taken to asking me what time i will be home and my days off are which he never used to do. i have dropped the hint a couple of times about porn to him and he says he does not look at things like that as he does not have time, i will see him looking at girls in the street and i just make a general comment and he goes mad saying i am only looking at their clothes. i know he is doing this as the proof is right infront of me. i really dont know what to do but i have the feeling he is cheating on me or his intentions are going that way. please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): I too would tell him that I was going to be at work on Monday etc, but wouldn't really go to work, like the other poster said I would watch the house from a safe distance, or I would just let myself into the house and surprise him, you could always tell him that you felt ill and that is why you have come home early from work, you don't want to blow your cover and make him even more sneakier,I do agree with you that you need proof if he is up to no good. My husband used to do that all the time, constantly ringing me on the mobile asking where I was and what time would I be home, at first I thought it was lovely that cared so much, I found out the truth by turning detective myself, I told him that I was going out for a meal with some friends, actually I was, that was the truth but a niggling doubt cane into my mind and instead of going to the restuarant to meet the friends I went home,unexpectedly of course, I thought it was strange when I could not get into my own home, he had put his door key in every door lock, so that I couldn't get in without him coming to open the door, when he saw me his whole body language screamed at me, guilty, guilty, so of course he asked me what I was doing home, so I said that we had changed the time to meet till later, so I thought that we could have a coffee together, so he goes into the kitchen to put the kettle on and I go straight to the DVD player and press play, sure enough there was a porn movie playing, this is the 2nd time I caught him, the first time he promised that he would never look at porn behind my back ever again, yeah right and I'm the tooth fairy. Months later he then went on to be caught in a lapdancing club propostioning a dancer, he wanted to pay her to let him give her oral sex, that was the end of my marriage as I knew it, yeah we are still together, but after having had some counselling I don't really think that did any good anyway because he really believes that he did nothing wrong, he was just drunk with the lads in the lapdancing club and that he wouldn't have done anything really, well if he keeps telling himself that I'm sure oneday he'll believe it because I certainly don't, also he does exactly what your husband does, looks at females up and down, then he once gave me that excuse that he was admiring her dress, I asked him since when did he become interested fashion, and told him that he can stop admiring dresses and the women inside them or I might start to admire men's trousers. The point is that you will drive yourself mad if you don't find out but be prepared for whatever you do find out that it might not be very pretty, so ask yourself what you will do if he is misbehaving, make up your mind if you would want to stay with him, and what it would take to make it work, it just helps to armed with the right info if it comes to it.I would totally not accept him talking to girls on the net or joining these inappropriate groups, that would definitely have to stop. I am glad that I found out that my husband wasn't the perfect man, like I used to think and he let me, who only had eye's for me, that way I can keep my eyes well and truly open and hopefully not be hurt in the future,I have laid down to him what I will not accept in this relationship and the rest is up to him, but always remember that if he has a problem with porn he will lie lie lie to you to keep it and you,wishing you all the best.
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