A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been together for 9 years and married for 3 ,He moved out 3 months ago into a flat so i could move back in the house, he has suffered with depression in the past and has ups/down Since the beginning of this year have had quite a few arguments and he started to be abit distant too, we have been trying for a baby since we got married and nothing was happening so this was getting me down and my job was too so i changed my job this year He came home one day from work and said i cant do this anymore , i started to ask why and various questions as i went into panic mode and he turned away from me and said i dont love you nomore and that was it , i got my stuff and went to my parents for the next 4 wks , in the meantime i did all the usual text and calling but no joy , then found out after we had split up he started to text and speak to a girl 11 years younger from work , he told me there was nobody else and he has lots of female friends at work , which i know he has , but he did say months ago to me that a young girl at work said if he wasnt married she would ask him i just dont know what to do i have started to file for divorce but dont want it to be over lost 20ibs in8 wks ,i could right so much more/details etc about what has been going off,if anyone can advise or tell me where i can speak to someone to help me and go into more detail would appreciate it Part 2 he doesnt contact me all the time probably once a week ,but last week it was 3 phone calls and a text ...so i did answer the phone on the 3rd call as he wanted to know when he was likley to get any money from the solicitors he was really calm in his voice compared to the past 2 months when we first split as he just sounded angrey all the time and wanted things to move fast , so it was abit strange how calm he was told him we should be divorced in 2 months and he didnt say anything so i told him he will get his £5,000 thats all he wanted crazy i know in 2 wks and i bet he will be pleased he said not really as he owes it out for stuff ,i said yes but you have all your wages now as before he was supporting both off us , he said buy the time he pays bills etc on this rented flat he isnt any better off (i could have told him this the day he left) He told me he really misses our 3 dogs which i said you'll forget them he said dought it , and that we will have to see in 6 months to a year as i might not want to give one of them up when he gets a house ! (when we first split i told him he could have one of them when he had sorted himself out ) not a year why would i want contact in a year with my ex is he crazy then he said he didnt want to leave me desitute for money as oim out of work so thats when the standing order for peet food came up random , i said look they arnt your responsibility ,told him he needs to get rest of stuff out so i can get house key back as he never need to come to the house again .thats when i got well i will come next weekend to clear stuff and will get that fence finished for you....... this is the husband that left me 3 months ago why after 3 months be like this since the above happended last friday so we will see if he comes this wkend , scared because i have not contacted him at all for 8 weeks he has started all communication and i so want him back still but cant say it to him and dont know how to act when i see him again last time i was just friendly and chatty and since that all this calling /text happended I havent called him in 3 weeks or texted him , he has contacted me about mail and since my last post things have changed again since my last e-mail to you , i found out that the girl at wokr who is texting/seeing whatever had been away for 2 weeks so that is proably why he started to contact me and seemed bothered/cared know it seems to have gone back to how it was before , apart from when he does call me if im unavaliable i get about 8 missed alls and voice mails that start calm and then he gets angrey saying i dont care if your upset ,i dont care if your seeing someone or if you are tryign to make out your busy ring me back !! (why is he been like this) then he apologises when i do answer his next call I had to meet him this weekend to give him the cheque for £5k it had been a month since i saw him last he didnt recognise me his opening words were your looking well /good and he said it about 3 times while i was with him which was only 15 mins, he said you only get one life , he could hardly look at me and just kept glancing then looking away why? , he told me abit about his family etc and then said good luck and that was it ... he told me he never wanted the divorce as doesnt want to get married again , and said it was all me with it he just wanted the cash and go , i told him he cant keep contacting me as im trying to move on etc and that he cant expect to see the dogs as its not fair on them and he agreeded its not fair on him as he reall misses them( crazy hey ) then he texed me 2 days later and today as im sorting his mobile contract out as its in my name asking how much it is and his bank details etc and told him i dont want to have to keep in contact with him about this we need to cut all contact his last text this morning to me was ok thanks will get the money put in and things will get better in time you will make someone really happy sabrina ( why put this in a text message when you ae talking about mobile phones random then again 2 days later he text to say i will come up saturday to drop house key of which i have told him numerous times just to post to me and collect a box of stuff from the loft drop some dog food of and if im ok with it take the dogs for a walk (is he mental or just wanting to mess me up ) I did text him back on this occasion and told him he couldnt come up as i was away for the wkend .... then a week later he just text to say i will let you know over the next couple of days when im coming up for final box if thats k with you (i havent replied ) sorry to go on , he then said he wants one of our dogs in 6 months to a year when he gets a house i said no way can you contact me in a year for a pet when i might not be living here etc etc Sorry to waffle on just dont understand i so wish he would want our marraiage to work but i guess its been 16 weeks now and for him to be like this says he has moved on dont you think and to top it all of since the beginning of the year he brought a car in feb ,left me end of april , got a flat june, sold his van july , and today brought a car ....he seems messed up to me o dont know what he wants do you think ? lol I AM 33 AND HUSBAND is 34, THE GIRL AT WORK HAS JUST TURNED 23 YEARS OLD
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at work, divorce, girl at work, money, move on, moved out, my ex, split up, text, trying for a baby Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nosda +, writes (6 October 2010):
I know exactly what you are going through as I am going through the same with 3 children. My husaband who I have been with for 28 years and married for 21 told me he does'nt love me any more and has moved out 8 weeks ago, even though this is his decision he does'nt seem able to quite give up all contact with me and makes excuses to either come back to the house or bump into me, I just find this confusing and think its more about control and wanting me to be reliant on him which I am sure is the same in your situation, he just does'nt seem able to let go even though it was his decision. You need to concentrate on yourself as he does'nt know what he want I know its hard, I've sobbed and sobbed as I miss my husband dreadfuly and am wondering whether I am seeing things that are not really there as I'm hoping he still loves me, just stay strong there are lots of us out there in similar situation, look after yourself
A
female
reader, Practical  +, writes (22 August 2010):
I don't think that what happened between u too is because of another girl or something .. he is depressed and that's what depressed people do .. they pull away and be distant and want to cut all serious relationships ..
what u need is to go to a therapist .. u need to learn what's going on and how u can manage him ..
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