A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. So my husband and I are married, but postponed our honeymoon, due to finances and the birth of our first baby. We have our honeymoon-vacation planned. So, I was looking forward to it. My husband just informed me that one of his friends was going to pay for him to go with him to our planned honeymoon destination before we get to go. Imupset and dont know how to react. I dont understand why they chose to go there KNOWING that we were supposed to be going in a few months. Im certain.he will go anyway despite my feelings. What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Maybe I am not romantic enough but personally I would not be upset that he gets to see your honeymoon destination before you. I mean, the intent ,purpose and general atmosphere , general feel of a trip, and the specific spots you visit and activities you engage in, do actually change according to what trip it is. Like, New York or London or Paris feel all different if you go there on a business trip, or on a romantic getaway with your SO.
What I would be very upset about, is his assuming that just because soemone else pays he can still act like a single guy .
I guess that you did not get married in order to be ditched home with a baby, with no help and no companionship, while your partner goes around gallivanting, right ? You could have stayed a single mom if you had wanted to do that. So I think it's just crazy that he even considered the project- without at least setting up something similar for you ! - and that he would go anyway regardless of your approval.
Why being married should mean that he gets all the fun and you get all the restrictions ?.
And note, I was never one of those women who needs to stay glued to her husband or partner. We took vacations both together , as a couple and a family, and also individually every now and then, each one with friends. But , that's the key word : both did - taking turns. Once he goes on a motorcycle trip with friends, which I would not / could not go - the next I get to get my fill of ,say, London museums that he would hate anyway.
If there's no money/ time / way - to do that, too bad. Both at home watching Tv and playing with baby. It's only fair. And it's BOTH'S baby to share, both the exciting times ( first steps, first words, first birthday... ) and the unexciting, dull ones when everything feels like a drudgery and you wish you were in the Caribbeans.
Plus, maybe I am being paranoid, but are you sure that this supposed generous friend is actually funding the trip ? WHY ?, is he gay ?! maybe I am just envious, lol, I have female friends way richer then me and their generosity went as far as offering me dinners or having me over for the weekend, or giving me nice gifts for my birthday ( not that I am complaining, that was swell of them )... but never to the point of funding my vacations in some faraway locale,- nor did I ever expect that.
So, this sounds veeery strange to me, and I would not put a selfish guy like your husband above having put aside a little egg's nest for HIMSELF , ( screw my wife ! ) where this mysterious extra trip is coming from.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): That is ridiculous. His friend should then pay for you to go too. I would not be happy with that at all. I would tell him you're not happy about it and he shouldn't go without you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): Who is this "friend" of your husband's? Is he single or married? Are there other people going other than your husband and his friend? What is the purpose of their trip together? Is it to get away from their wives and party it up?
I'd tell your husband how you really feel about this. Did he stop to think that you both have a baby and while he is out having a good time you are at home, alone.
How would he feel if you decided to take off on a vacation without him and he was left with the baby.
The "very least" he could have done was consulted with you first before making a decision like that. That was a stupid thing to do on his part.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 August 2014):
 I think his accepting to go without you, knowing it is a place you will be visiting with him in a few months is very insensitive.
Why can't he wait those few months for when you can go with him?
He and you need to sort out what is important in your lives, for him I would expect it to be you and the baby .... not going off on holidays with friends, leaving you home alone, holding that baby.
As for the very generous friend, what's his motive? Did he fail to notice your husband got married and has responsibilities now?
I'd be upset too. As to what you can do about it, cancel your planned trip and put the money somewhere safe where he cant touch it, you will need it when his selfishness becomes too much and you decide you would be better off on your own.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): Has it occurred to you that maybe the reason he's going there first is to scout for the most romantic spots? Maybe he's going with a friend to ensure you don't get suspicious about a certain surprise he could potentially be planning, it's not unlikely.
I, myself, have visited areas before hand to make sure a date or anniversary goes over smoothly without a hitch. I usually set up a hotel, rose petals, cande spots, reservations, surprise encountering, etc. I find it's the best way to ensure everything falls into place.
Not saying this is what he's doing for sure but you never know.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): So basically he said money tight so you can't come but guess what I'm gonna go anyway wow if I did that to any woman I would cry myself to sleep
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): There's nothing you can do, honestly it's a bit selfish of you not want him to go, what difference does it make if your husband has been to this place before you? And if the trip is for free he won't be putting a strain on you financially. Remember this, you marry not only to make yourself happy but the other person as well, compromise!
...............................
|
