A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 years old. I have only ever been with one man intimately, my husband. I met him at 20, lost my virginity to him then, and at the age of 25 I married him. I did not know psychotic jealousy until I was with him. Nor would I have even considered ever cheating on him. And not now, or ever even though now there is a tremendous amount of hurt, resentment, fear, anger, anxiety and jealousy built up in me too due to him. Id leave first before Id cheat. I don't work that way, the way he thinks I work. I knew jealousy but not unwarranted psychotic jealousy. I was capable of trust. He changed that. Through 7 of these 8 years he has constantly accused me of cheating until finally a year ago he became absolutely convinced that I did. (At that point I gave him 5 years to give me a lie detector test that he could trust, after which if he didn't give it to me I would leave - four years left and counting now). My question is this: Is it that strange that I was a trusting person naturally, and that I would never think or consider cheating on my husband? I am still having a hard time getting over the shock and hurt of his accusations and part of me thinks that's why I just can't pick up and leave even though everyone told me a year ago that I should do just this... Am I that strange of a freak of nature to have been naturally trusting, and to have never had a second's thought of wanting to cheat on my partner? Is the world really that evil and untrustable? Sometimes I feel like I'm from another planet or something... Why are people so horrible to each other? I came into this with nothing but an open heart and love for him... Inside I did have doubts about him, but they would never in a million years materialize into cheating... I would have left long before I would have ever cheated, and even so my perseverent heart never left, just grew to adapt to him (psychotic jealousy aside). At this point in our lives, we "grew alike together" all would be absolute perfection, were it not for his psychotic jealousy.... maybe that's another reason why its' so hard to leave... well anyway the details of my plight are endless and I will not bore you with all of them but just answer me this.... Am I that naive, was I that stupid, to be an honest, open hearted, and loving person in this world, who left my guard down? I fell in love with him, I opened my heart, and he dumped all his baggage right into it. It hurts beyond belief. So please just riddle me this people... Am I just a freak of nature, or is the whole world that freaking awful? Cause this has got me wanting to never try for another committed relationship ever again if my husband and I don't make it. When I gave my heart away, I meant it. Are most people not like this? I look at the world we live in, the business corruption, the people left to starve, the toxic poisons in our environment, and the more I look at it, the more afraid I become that maybe my husband is right, at least about the rest of the world that "nobody is THAT pristine, nobody is a saint" Here he was referring to me and his conviction that I cheated on him... but I want to take it one step further... I want to know... if he and I don't make it... what percentage of the population carries similar baggage? And am I better off just mutually using men in the future and not committing ever again? Honest answers please. Also, do most women lie about having orgasms? Because I don't. Until I was 26 I never knew how to have an unassisted orgasm which contributed to his fear of me wandering, but I never minded that I liked the intimacy. And now knowing how to orgasm is bittersweet because the man I gave my life to thinks I'm a whore.
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fell in love, jealous, lost my virginity, orgasm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): ouch you poor thing. I know the loyal love of which you speak. It 's a precious treasure not found often in today's world. It should be held delicately...as you should too. My guess is that HE is cheating. Your character type would not think so, as it's beyond your reality...Not so with him. Call it self-projection. What one accuses another of , is likely that they are capable of doing that very thing. Have you Looked. Checked his emails or phone? Even if he has not cheated, the accusations are abusive and more is sure to follow unless profession help is sought for both.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): NO. NO. NO. You were a normal human being. Unfortunately, some people's brains are wired in a very strange way. My dad who is almost 80 is wired the same way as your husband and believes a whole bunch of crazy shit his mind has made up about my mom who has suffered SO MUCH but stayed because of the numerous children they begot.
My recommendation to you if you want to have a sane rest of your life is to ditch your husband. He will never want therapy or believe that he is mentally ill. OTOH, he will accuse you to your dying day that you are cheating on him.
It is not worth the rest of your life to live in fear and dread. It's like living with an IED that keeps going off.
I AM SORRY FOR YOU. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HORRIBLE THINGS YOUR HUSBAND SAYS.
DETACH YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION AND CLINICALLY THINK IT THROUGH SO AS TO EXTRICATE YOURSELF FROM ITS RAPACIOUS CLUTCHES.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Never think yourself naive for being that loving. You sound like a wonderful person, the kind of person there needs to be more of. Don't let this man change that! Do not let him corrupt who you are. The world has its malevolence and it's more macabre face but you need to remember that the world, like you, began as something beautiful. You can still see that beauty so leave this man now and go look for it. The world right now, is a lot brighter than this man has led you to believe! Just look at some of the people on this site, a lot of good people are out there.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Second the previous posters. This is hurting you more than anything else.
As for mutually using men without commitment, I've found it to be fun. Think about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Sounds like your husband is messed up when it comes to sex. He's jealous and paranoid. This is all you know becaue this is the only person you've dated and been intimate with.
Let me tell you. This is not normal. This is not the standard. I dated a man for 8 years with similar convictions. He told me I'd be used by other men if I left.
I left and found a positive, happy, well adjusted man who is a wonderful listener, communicator and provider. He's so positive its weird and so trusting of me. Complete opposite of my ex bf.
I recommend leaving. Don't make any babies. You deserve better than to live such a negative life. Life's toooooo short.
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