A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband asked me for space and time three months ago.I was in our house by myself the whole time, I was working overtime because I wanted to be busy all the time.(no kids- no family, we are both are foreign)Now he is back and he says to me that he loves me but he is not in love with me.He says that he found out that he loves me like a sister or cousin but not any more like a woman.We sleep together in the same bed...we still share many things like before but there is nothing between us anymore, nothing like a couple, nothing like a man and woman, we are like a best friends no sex no kisses no hugs...but I realized that this situation is killing me, I can not handle like this anymore, he seems very comfortable with this but I am not. I miss him like a man so much, I miss our intimacy but all that is gone..I can not move on yet because my part time job, and can not afford to rent a place by myself now, but I am thinking maybe to stay in separate room and be like a roommates?I don't understand why he is acting like this?He seems worried about me, but I don't want his sympathy or his compassion. I feel miserable and my self esteem is at the bottom...
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best friend, cousin, move on, roommate, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advices...We are still living together b/c finacial situation. I decided today moved all my stuff to another room. He is long distance truck driver and he will be gone the next week, he drives 2 or 3 weeks, then he takes 3 or 4 days off, he said this won't change. That's good thing for me b/c I will be alone most of the time.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Your self-esteem should be fine. Everyone can fall out of love with anyone else. That he doesn't love you anymore like he used to does not mean you're not valuable.
At this time in life, I don't believe much in trying to find out why people fall out of love with you. In my experience, it's usually worthless. If you happen to find out why, you also piss the person off because they would rather not talk about it, since all they want is to move on. I think you shouldn't lose sleep over why he fell out of love.
Do sleep in a separate room and bed, don't let him come to you looking for sex, and do find a way to support yourself. The sooner you're out of there, the better.
You're still young enough to rebuild your life. The fact that you don't have children is an advantage.
Be well.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (31 March 2011):
 This has got to be very hard for you to deal with. It's clear you still have romantic feelings for him. In this regard he is showing you anything but sympathy or compassion. He is being cruel. I also find it odd that he said he's worried about you. He is the reason for your unhappiness. He doesn't see that?
As to why he is doing it, there could be any number of reasons, and I hesitate to mention them because I don't want to cause you any more concern. Also, I might be wrong. You need to ask him why he is doing this. Why has your relationship changes from lovers to friends? What caused him to feel differently about you? He loved you enough to marry you, and now he doesn't? You have a right to know why, especially if he wants to continue to live with you.
I understand why you cannot leave the house. I do not understand why he moved back into it. Was it for financial reasons as well? Where did he stay for those three months? Regardless of the reason you two must continue living in the same house, you should not be living in it as man and wife. A marriage is not truly a marriage without physical intimacy.
Yes, under the circumstances, you should sleep in separate bedrooms. It would also be a good idea to take steps to become as financially independent as you can. Try to find a full time job, so that you can support yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I was in the same position with my ex-husband. First 1,5years I was crying and was completely down, then another 1,5 year we actually lived like a sister and brother, and then I realized I was already dead inside. I called it quits and walked, couple months later I guess he realized what he lost and came back to ask for another chance but by then he really in my eyes had became my brother... It's been couple years now, I have someone new in my life and with my ex we stayed best friends. He will always in my eyes remain a really special person just not a husband. Thats simply how life can go sometimes. Stay strong and dont let it last for 3 years like I did.
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