A
female
age
41-50,
*rikaM
writes:So...allow me to vent and hopefully get some advice. I am 29, my husband 45. I am his third wife, but am the first to give him a son. (Sammy, 3 years old and beautiful) I knew from the beginning that he like sex with prostitutes (thought it was exciting at the time) and that he was a dominant kind of guy. He is a functional alcoholic, only has a website business (which does ok) and since moving to Costa Rica where I teach IB Physics, he just works from home and has a lot of spare time. I pay all the bills (supposedly he pays for dinner out...and of course all his alcohol. He is a good dad...you know the kind that likes when the kid is fed and cleaned up and in a good mood...then he will play with him. Anyway...he is emotionally abusive......I'm never good enough, never loose enough weight (I am 5ft 8in...165 pounds, athletic and wear a size 10 pant: so avg I think), I talk too loud, or am just have a "c*nting" attitude about everything. He drinks at bars while I work (and I pay for my Son to be in private daycare), he supposedly is "working" so hard at home on the internet site.. So...I pay the rent, the electricity, the cell phone, the daycare and $150 per week in groceries...I bathe my son...make his lunches...oh...and I pay for the maid three times a week. Since we don't get along so well he doesn't even give me sex...b/c on the days that we do get along he says,"lets just get along first." Well dammit...I need sex. He needs it too...so since prostitution is legal in Costa Rica...he just goes to a prostitute a couple times a month. Don't get me wrong...for the first time I went with him and found it exciting to see him with someone...and he was happy...but this isn't what I want...I want the emotional connection. The other problem becomes that I really don't like him anymore...(he used to be a body builder like 15 years ago...so all he talks about is food, exercise....and women) It gets old...We don't have common interests... I could do the divorce thing (but he has financially isolated me b/c I pay for everything I would have no money for custody...getting my own place when I move back to the states) But he would have access to money b/c I don't know where his money is, how much it is...I just know that he has it when my runs out...then when I'mn about to be paid..he conveniently doesn't have anymore...I don't know if I am rambling...of course if I could make all this work that would be great...but realistically I feel that I am just passing time...praying for him to leave me since I don't have the strength to do it myself...but then if it could work out that would be great...Someone help me!
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alcoholic, divorce, emotionally abusive, money, prostitute, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ErikaM +, writes (10 January 2009):
ErikaM is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank Gina for responding so fully to my problem...
A little more info:
My problem at this point is the verbal and emotional abuse...I am normally considered a very strong person, but for some reason can't get away from him....I always tell myself. "If I come up with a bucket load of money, I would leave." I know that having money isn't the answer...but it sure would make it easier to have money for the lawyer, the new apartment/house, all the furniture that I would need to get. So am I really going to stay trapped in this hell until I come upon my bucket of money.
My husband will not go to counseling...He says that if I stop being a "c*nt" then he will be nice....well that lasts for all of a day.
This forum is really helping me to get a lot of pent up emotion off my chest.
Thanks! Erika
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): sounds like you should leave him. But be careful if he is abusive. God bless you and good luck
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