A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused8507
writes:Im 22 Happily married and have a beautiful daughter whose now 8 months old. My husband is deployed atm, and i find myself very lonely, and i am seeking comfort in online flirting, and i now have 3 friends who think they love me ( all met online). They live far away and know it will never happen but i want to deal with the lonliness in a way that doesnt make me feel guilty. its so hard bc i get these lustful feelings towards these men, and i know its wrong. Any advice?
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female
reader, surdreamgal  +, writes (25 August 2009):
I know how it feels to have a loved one so far away. My husband and I are both active duty so you can imagine how difficult it is for both of us and our two boys. As much as the military tries to work with us, deployment is unavoidable (especially with the needed funds) I'd be TDY for months at a time, then when I get back a month or so later, he'd be TDY or Deployed. We cope by constant communication or sometime (sorry if this offends anyone) but we make our own love movies or shows (when kids are at sleep overs). Keep an open mind with your husband/boyfriend/fiance and try different things. Another thing you would want to do is find volunteer things to do while he is gone or away. A month (or earlier) before he gets back, think of the sexiest thing to do for him or something fun for the both of you, this keeps helps them to cope being away from you too (He can't wait to see what you have in store for him).
He loves you, don't hurt someone who loves you. Would you think it was ok that he chat with Females and masterbated to any other woman but you? This world is small, you wouldn't want to be walking in another country, and a dude comes up to you and say "Hey, Baby, its you! Love those dirty chats we had. Remember me?" Right in front of your husband and kids.
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female
reader, Nurseterra:-) +, writes (4 June 2009):
Hello. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing, I had struggled recently with this, God told on me to my mother haha, and said I was getting into trouble on the computer, and I have been lured out of God's covering)protection), And he told my Mom to pray for me to put a covering back on my life-through filling the gap with intercessory prayer. I told my husband, he was hurt, but forgave me, I got on my knees, and repented, I feel happy again and like the wife I want to be. I will live each day making up for it. And I'm thankful God and my husband forgave me. You could not get me to look at another for 6 years,and where this came from I have no idea, you never know when this will happen to you. Bible says renew your mind daily.And flee from temptations, it looks harmless at first, but we get that feeling in the pit of our stomachs, thas thas the holy spirit telling us, when we have crossed the boundaries. We choose to ignore, b/c our spirit is in the flesh. Anytime you focus on yourself too much, you are headed to a some sin. GOd will focus on us, trust him. Then you can focus on your husband, or others around you. Also God is a husband to the husbandless, during our deployments. Let him love you. He's crazy about you. He made you.And he made you knowing you'd marry a military man. The strongest of women.GOd's lil angels, harboring gifts to be father and mother to their children, Attributes of self-sufficiency will bloom, When you know that he is your husband, while your is away. When your soul is that full, then you can love others more ans think of self less. Good Luck!
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female
reader, navygal +, writes (21 May 2009):
I am 22 and married as well. My hubby was just deployed. I am very confident that I am the one that is truly happly married and ur being very selfish! He is over there in Iraq fighting for our freedom. So you and your child will not a great country to live in. What if he finds out? Do you really think that the excuss that you just gave is going to ok for him to just say "well in that case. Its all ok."? So in your head its okay for him to be doing the same thing? How could you do this to your child? As for the three men that love you or whatever you call that. Your getting around it sounds like. You can't even respect them. Wow.... if that is your marality than go for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): My husband is deployed as well. I don't think you are truly happily married if you find other men to lust after you. I think you know this is wrong and my advice. Just stop it. Delete the accounts you have to talk to these men or block them. How would you feel if your husband was doing this to you? He needs your support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): My husband is a Chaplain in the military and in 6 weeks will head out for his 3rd deployment. Only been back 12 months since the came home from his last deployment. I am so proud to be his wife. It isn't just his sacrifice, but yours as well. You have a baby to look after, do that, top priority. As a wife, you have a responsibility to look after your husband as well, even while he is over there. Find ways, send parcels, write lots of letters to him telling him how much you love him (He will love receiving them) in bright coloured envelopes, even perfume scented (his favourite of course). He will cope best if he knows you love him and are waiting for him, write letters to him daily, telling him of your daughters progress, all the day to day stuff that happens in life. Then find positive ways to look after yourself. Take time to do something for others, not always easy, but doing for others will ease the pain for you. Do you have access to a Chaplain, find one, and go and talk to him. That's what he's there for. Plan his homecoming, what does he want to do? Make it special, ask him what he wants. Lots of family or just you and your daughter. What will you wear?(something sexy) Something special for your daughter to wear as well. He loves you and you love him - so special. Don't mess it up. I am currently writing up a log of OUR (it involves us both, even if it is just him going) deployment if you want to visit http://www.squidoo.com/Life_in_the_Military
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I am 22 years old and I am also married. My husband had been deployed for about 5 months now. I from another country and I also find myself with no close friends or family with me in the States. I know exactly what you are feeling and we do not even have kids yet, but I also believe flirting as a coping method is totally wrong not just because it will hurt your husband but it will also hurt your heart. You as any other women long for feeling loved, appreciated, and desired and it is totally normal for you to want to find this in these type of relationships, but we can be stronger than that and be able to control those feelings by knowing that you already have somebody that does all of that for you. Even though he is away right now he will be back. You can also share with him how are you feeling and try to find together the way that you can cope with these feelings. The most important thing for me has been the fact that beside my husband, I also have my sweet God that is with us through all the difficult times in our life. Seek him more than ever in this time and you will find that He is closer than you ever imagine and that only by His love and power we us human beings are able to overcome all struggles we face in our lives.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): My husband is deployed also, and don't think is good flirting or think on it... You will feel good with yourself when he comes back and U can see his face and tell yourself that U did the right thing... What kind of love is that? u sopposed to give yor mine to him too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): My husband is also deployed. He has been gone for five months. I think that online flirting is wrong. I know my husband would be hurt by it. I understand your feelings of loneliness but you need to stay busy and push through them. He isnt going to be gone forever and you will feel so good about yourself when he gets home that you made it through this and did the right thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I completely know where your coming from. I am 23 and my husband is also currently deployed. It's so hard to find support and to keep yourself busy and satisfied with them gone. Try finding friends online, not online boyfriends. Don't feel guilty for needing affection from someone, just try and find it with people who are strictly friends. Remember how much he means to you and that being apart wont last forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): If you are happily married then there is no need for you to be on here writing, "Lonely and seeking comfort in online flirting." Seeking online comfort is just as guilty as doing it in person. And how can you say that you love your husband and never want to hurt him when your on here saying what you are? Because I'm sure if your husband found out that you was doing such a thing he'd be very hurt. But i do agree with you when you replied that everyone has there weak moments because that is true. Just hang in there. Be strong, not only for your husband but for your daughter too. =)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 November 2007):
 Glad to hear it. Good luck and I hope your husband has a speedy return to your loving arms.
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female
reader, Confused8507 +, writes (14 November 2007):
Confused8507 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well i have taken what you all said in to careful consideration and im learning to deal with it by doing other things. I am currently living in japan with no family or friends within thousands of miles, but i have arranged to go home in a month to stay with family. I am happily married, i love my husband with all my heart and would never in a million years want to hurt him. I am being immature and a terrible wife, and the advice you all gave was a slap in the face, but a well deserved one. We all have our weak moments and this was mine, but i am choosing to learn from my mistakes. Thanks ^^
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I'm with Irish49.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Yes..it is wrong. Happily, married women don't flirt online or otherwise...simple as that, dear. Don't use your 'loneliness' as a excuse. Let's call it what it is. A woman who loves her man practises an unwavering self-control and finds more illustrious, dependable, mature ways to ease her loneliness. You seem to not comprehend nor understand that marriage is much more than just a physically close 'to you' relationship. There are a lot of military wives with babies who find more honorable ways to fill up their time. Why not talk to some of them, to find out what they do. I will also say that a lot of people who are married will tell you, that sometimes we can't always be content in our marriage and it is a challenge. R ight now you are being put to the test. It's how you face that test, which will make the connection of your marriage run deep into your soul, then just love. It's commitment and honoring the man you married. It's also family, and through all the worst of times..your own happiness through marriage and family is a journey. Having an online fling is just short term pleasure. Pleasure is self-involved. Happiness is other-involved. You need to learn the difference.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 November 2007):
You are playing with fire. I'm sure the military base he deployed from has all kinds of group activities for the spouses left behind. Just stay busy, take up a hobby, go volunteer at a soup kitchen, write hubby lots of letters. Remember he's over seas defending your country he deserves the honor and respect from his loving wife and mother of his child. Knock off the internet nonsense.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Yes, it's wrong, but I would not advocate telling your husband what you're doing.
I can understand your feelings, but if your husband found out this was what you're doing he would be devastated, especially being away at war thinking his faithful wife was at home changing diapers and baking cakes all day.
If you get some sexual release from your internet activities, that's fair enough, as long as it doesn't become any more than a fantasy and does not affect the love you have for your husband. I suppose it's cheating in a way, but if you treat it as harmless fun or a release of sexual energy I don't really see any harm in it - but only if it doesn't affect how you feel about your husband, who needs all the emotional support you can give him.
Phil
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female
reader, Gemini1506  +, writes (13 November 2007):
We all go through lonliness no matter what situation we are in. But don't depend on online flirting to feel that void bcoz it will just creep back up you and there is a chance you will feel to take the flirting further.
Tell your husband how you feel. it may not cure how you feel but at least you can talk it out with someone who is meant to love you regardless
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female
reader, whiteshadow +, writes (13 November 2007):
 There isnt really a way to "deal with the lonliness in a way that doesnt make me feel guilty"
I wonder tho how you can be happy married but your lonely. I really think you should talk out how you feel and how you would like to spend mroe time with your husband. To be married at 22 is crazy to me lol
Or.. leave your husband and carry on what your doing by being single.
sorry i sound harsh but there is no balancing out this problem really. you ither do one or another. Just dont do all forever..you will realy make your head confused and will defo not be happily married
good luck zara
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