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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: my husband has been very secretive lately, i am really worried he is having an affair, he is 50 and i am 38, we have been together for 19 yrs and have 3 kids, i admit i have not been easy to live with but neither has he.but things that he tells me are not adding up like all of a sudden his fone credit has gone from £10.00 a mth to 40.00 in one mth, he says its cos his fone keeps going on the internet.also he had a cd in his van one day, i saw it but he didnt know i saw it, so when it ended up in the car i asked where he got it, he said he bought it when he went shopping with the girls, but they say he never.and finally he never lets his fone out of his sight now, when he used to just leave lying about the place.i have asked him straight out but he gets all moody and has a hissy fit at me, he said he isnt but i dont know so much.also on new years eve he kept disappearing to the loo to txt.am i being paranoid???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): when a man starts treating his phone like a part of his body , a red flag should go up. same as music , like some thing diffent than what he listens too.flag here also,
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): This is weird because I am seeing similar behaviour with my wife. Suddenly texting all the time and crries the phone everywhere. I confronted her and she said not to worry, just a friend but gave no name. I figured it out and confornted her again and she criend and admitted she had a crush but she was doing nothing more...I was a great hubby etc.
THEN I found an email that has her flirting OVER the line with the guy and contradicting her promise to stop.
I would not jump to conclusions but my guess he is having fun flirting, provbably does not intend to cheat but needs to be headed off atthe pass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): There could be dozens of things going on with your husband. He could have a gambling problem. He could be experimenting with drugs. He could be having an affair.....Or he could be planning some kind of surprise vacation or party for you. Maybe an exotic trip to the Bahamas and he doesn't want the travel agent calling him and giving it away.
I'd say, keep your mouth shut and your eyes and ears open. You'll figure it out soon enough. But the more you accuse, the better he will become at covering his tracks if he is having an affair, or trying to cover up something equally as devastating.
Keep a watchful eye, you can always check his cell phone calls when he's asleep. Same with checking his internet sites. Just lay low and observe his behavior for awhile. If his suspicious behavior continues, you may have to resort to following him or popping into the "loo" to see if he's really where he says he is. Confronting him has gotten you no where. You're going to have to bust him in the act if you want the truth. Even if it is nothing more than a surprise anniversary or birthday present/trip.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 It definatly looks to me like he is either having an affair or working up to one, maybe he has someone at work who he fancies and they are flirting that could be why he is disapearing to text etc, but you are right to worry it all adds up to him doing the dirty and if he has`nt already done it he is working towards this.
Now you have to decide what to do, you have tried asking him and he denies it, maybe because it is not yet an affair maybe it is just at the flirting, kissing and cuddling stage and it never will develope into anything other than this but he is definatly furtive.
What do you do when you find out for certain it is an affair, do you have a plan, will you leave him, can you leave him, will you give him another chance and can you trust him again.
All questions you need to be asking yourself if you are to delve any deeper or do you just accept what he say`s and hope if it is a fling that he gets it out of his system that is if it is not already over and could you then trust him or anything he says or would you be eaten up and consumed with doubt and suspicion.
My advice is to lay out the evidence and ask him once again calmly if he is either seeing someone or wanting to and how far has it gone, then see how he reacts.
Good luck and keep me informed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): i don't think you're paranoid as i would be thinking the same thing it does seem suspicious he's always texting, especially on new years eve, he wouldnt be making a work phone call then, and you know he's told one lie already about the cd and because you've been with him so long you probably know when he's telling the truth or not and,i'm sorry but it does sound like there's some truth in your suspicians.
The first chance you get when he hasn't got his phone with him, have a look at his messages and such it's not like you're doing anything wrong you have good reason to suspect him, if he keeps biting you're head off he probably has something to hide, he doesn't want you to keep asking because he feels guilty.
I admit though, i am slightly sinical when it comes to guys but without knowing the guy, it all sounds suspicious to me and i would be careful how you handle it because of the children, maybe you could talk to a close friend about it, get another opinion and if. He can't turn bis back on the children whatever happens but he is obviously lying at the moment and you dont deserve to be lied to, just do whatever you have to do, for yourself, and the kids good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 While I can't say if he is having an affair, something has changed, and it does seem he is hiding something. It could be something as benign as him trying to surprise you with an anniversary gift or something like that. (The secretive shopping, the extra phone time spent (supposedly) on the internet, and I'm not sure how you knew he was going to the loo on NYE to text.. were you in there with him? So, maybe he is having an affair, maybe he isn't. Coming right out and confronting him will probably get you in a huge row with him, so I would sit back, take your time and be watchful. Calmly investigate if he is where he says he will be, inconsistancies in his stories, avoidance of you and intamacies, changes in behavior (showering immediately after arriving home, or coming home smelling freshly showered,) sudden changes in his appearances and the way he dresses, more hours spent away from home than normal, or sudden business trips. Be watchful, and non-confronting for awhile. He will mess up eventually if he is having an affair. Patience is the key.
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A
female
reader, Miss trust +, writes (9 January 2007):
 No you aren't being paranoid, dont worry but there must be something going on if he is hiding his phone but it might not be an affair. Maybe he is worried about other things such as a job or finances? But you definately need to bring it up again and talk to him about it.
Without good communication no couple can make it and he relaly needs to realise this.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (9 January 2007):
 i dont think ure being paranoid i think your sensing things are out of order. I got a bit like that with my ex when he kept txting lots and was late home from work and things so i checked his phone once just to prove what i was thinking and he was txting someone younger than me saying that they would love to be together but i was in the way because he still cared for me was pretty much what she said to him in a txt i ddnt see what he replyed to this, but i had words with him he promised me he was trying to ignore her and that she wanted him but he was happy and that he deleted her phone number tho his phone then went onto lock..so i decicded to get rid with me if a person read my phone ide ask them not too but i wouldnt lock it purely i have nothing to hide..its up to you what you do.. but personally if i found out my bloke was having an affair on me hed be gone or if it was just the once no they gave up the right to have me when he did his dirty..if it was me ide ask him straight out and tell him if he doesnt tell the truth ide walk out that door and not come back..tuff love.. hope this helps but its only my opinion xxx
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