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female
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anonymous
writes: my husband is having an affair with a 15 year old girl,hes 35. they always smile at each other and give each other the eyes across the room. the other day he winked at her and she winked back, i asked her what was going on she the clever little bitch said she was the only thing preventing him sleeping with her and if he had is way they'd have already done it. Then she said i can see why your so clingy hes a great kisser. That night i asked him about it and after serious pushing he finally admitted they'd kissed and fooled around topless, he says he was feeling vunerable as his mum had just died and she came onto him and he soon realised it was wrong and stopped. But his mum died two months ago and he still winks at her and she told me hes asking to sleep with her! who do i believe, I keep tellin myself shes a vindictive, lying bitch who made moves on him. but i know deep down shes a child who has been abused. What do i do?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (16 September 2006):
 You should see her as a child who has been abused; I work in child protection and I can tell you that many young girls compensate the lack of a decent family life by getting attention from men the only way they know how. Of course, it is a negative sort of attention, but for the girls it is attention all the same. Remember how you felt at 15...you were probably just a kid then, I know I was! She may have an adult body, but most people physically mature well before they emotionally mature. As for your husband - he is my age and a different matter. Stop blaming the girl who is a mixed up victim and start looking at him - by saying it is due to bereavement or other issues...those are just excuses; lots of men lose parents and don't feel the urge to sleep with children. You are an adult in this situation; whatever the girl says to you is all about getting attention from adults...however negative; feel sorry for her as she must have a very unhappy life to want someone's husband. Your husband needs specialist counselling and he needs to make a contract with you to avoid situations where this girl is. He is technically breaking the law and social services/ police agencies would take an interest. By making excuses for him you are distracted from the real issues - this is a grown man exploiting a girl who is underage and emotionally vulnerable. It comes down to self respect really - you can continue to make excuses for him and suffer in misery as he cheats or you can take a stand against this appalling behaviour by demanding he change his ways or you leave. I know what I would do!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): Your husbands a paedophile and you are also a criminal if you are sitting by and letting this happen. REPORT IT TO THE POLICE ASAP
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): Your husbands a perv and you're letting him get away with it!! yuckky, and you stand by, and call the 15yr old CHILD a clever little bitch? Aren't you supposed to be the adult?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Believe it or not..she is not a bitch. You said yourself, she was abused and your husband is re-victimizing her again. She is underage and your husband is pursuing a young girl. This young girl is flaunting her sexual power. A lot of teen girls do this. But your husband knows better and this is coercive and sexual abuse of a minor...plain and simple. I feel sorry for her... she is a young, confused female that needs someone to intervene and help her, even if she thinks she doesn't need the help. I really don't think she even has an inkling of the future, regrets, pain and hurt, she's signing up for. She has parents, so please, let them know what is going on. Then I would strongly suggest you tell your husband he is 'walking a thin line and could end up partaking in something very illegal that will land him in jail with a criminal record'. He needs to be reminded and if he insists on not growing up and acting responsibly, and carries on with his irresponsible behaviours, then I suggest you get some advice and voice your concerns to the police on how to stop him. They might be interested in knowing what he's up to. If you go this far, it could go to court and let me tell you...no judge will take kindly to a 35 year old man, sniffing around young teen females. Your husband has deep problems..he needs help. You wouldn't be the first wife to stand by her man to get him through this but if it were me.....I wouldn't do it because I would be absolutely repulsed by a man like this. Nothing could make me stick around . I wouldn't waste another moment on a man like this. I'd get to a lawyer and go for a divorce...pronto. (but that's who I am..you may have a differing view) You have some big decisions to make. I am so sorry, dear. My heart is with you...good luck. .
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