A
female
age
41-50,
*hattheheck
writes:Help! My husband and I met 7 years ago, we have now filed for divorce. When we met he told me he didn't have a gf and later I found out he did, but we started to date anyway. He had 2 kids by 2 different women when I met him. Two years later we got married and had a beautiful baby girl. Two years ago I caught him sexting, emailing, an 18 year old girl. At first he lied then he came clean with everything and said it would never happen again. Since then I have found out about 4 more girls who have text naked pics to him, met him in parking lots while he is on duty (he's a police officer), and he constatantly chats on yahoo im. He also has all of these girls as "friends" on facebook. He continues to tell me they didn't mean to send him the naked pics and that they are all just friends. He has changed all his passwords to his emails, facebook, myspace, iphone, ipad etc. If it was just myseldf involved I would have no second thoughts about divorcing, but our little girl is 4 and I am worried about her. So here is my question he is again telling me there is nothing going on and i am over reacting and they are just friends, but what do I do? Divorce or stay married? Help! I am driving myself nuts over this! I don't feel like I can trust him or he respects my feelings. I'm just lost about it all. Any advice is appriciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): Yes I agree if he hasn't physically cheated there's a chance to save this marriage. You need to sit down and ask your husband why he feels the need to talk to other females even if they are "just friends". Do you both make time to talk or go out and do things alone? Because if you both are on different schedules and do not make time for each other to talk or bond then maybe he may just need someone to talk to. Do you make yourself accessible to him if he has a concern or problem and him likewise? I would definitely try to sit down and talk to each other and find the real cause of this. I was in a relationship where my fiance worked 12 hour shifts during the day and I worked in hospital triage at night and we never spoke or went out like we used to we basically passed each other coming in and out from work. Then I discovers online chat rooms and started getting the attention I wasn't getting from my fiance since we were hardly around each other. I never intended to physically cheat but I realize now I just should have told him I was lonely and we find a way to make time for each other. When he found out about it he left and it was the worst mistake I ever made and I would give anything to have him back. And all of this because we were both too stubborn to make time for each other and just talk. So please just think about this before you go through with this. You have a child together and if your marriage is salvageable I would try to work on it. Good Luck!!!! ~ Gretchen~
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): I know exactly what you're going through. I am married to a police officer too and dealt with "badge bunnies" texting and emailing him all the time. At first I didn't believe him and left him for a week. But after speaking with other police wives I realized it is not uncommon for these "girls" to try anything to be with someone with authority. Since he works mostly nights and I work days we never had the time to really do things together and nights alone I always thought the worst. But I don't know how long your soon to be ex has been in law enforcment but you need to know he is always in the public eye and sometimes he gets hit on. From what I see in your story he's never physically cheated and if he hasn't this problem can be worked on. You both need to be there for each other let him know the chatting the texting needs to stop and if you both wanna work on saving your marriage you need to trust him. And by all means you're his wife if he's changing passwords on all his stuff ask him for access to everything so you know the truth and can build off of that. My husband was the same way and I asked him to not talk to any females and tell me if he's approached by one for anything more than friendship to save our marriage he has done that ten fold. But honey you got trust him and look past this if you really want to work this out if you can't trust him it is better to move on. I wish you the best of luck!!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 May 2011):
 You're not overreacting, this guy is treating you like garbage. He's lied many many times and will never stop lying and sexting and having online affairs. It's not better for your daughter to grow up in a loveless marriage where her parents resent each other or for her to grow up around a father who thinks monogamy includes cybersex with teenagers. It's best for both you and your daughter to move on and find a man who can treat you both with respect.
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