A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and i have a 6months old daughter. Baby and i share same bed, husband sleeps in a different one but in the same room. Bedtime-inserts his earplugs, turns over and sleeps. I tend to the baby. My roles-take care of baby (every aspect), cook, clean the house. His roles-work with his commissions, hold baby briefly to relieve me so I shower, cook, etc. Either of us can attend to utensils and laundry. He is a very hardworking man (works from home) but still very flexible. I am not a stay at home mum by preference, I'm staying for our baby, otherwise I would be in school. I feel as if i'm a single parent. At least let him change her diapers/bath/comfort her occasionally, or even make us a meal. We are newly weds who have lived together for 3 months now. :-(. No emotional attachment whatsoever. No sex, kissing, hugging etc. He kinda initiated the distance. He is 67 years old, I'm 30 years old. I thought older guys treat their women very well. He had or pretended to have super high libido (on viagra) while we dated, claimed he wanted more children (at least 2). I sometimes read the signs that he cares less about babies or even hates them. What is this about? Did he trick me? Whats the way forward?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 In view of your additional comments I would say, why in the world did you pick a man so much older than you? The years between you are vast! What could you have had in common to begin with? What in the world even attracted you to a man that much older? Because honestly honey, I'm sure you could have done alot better and someone closer to your age is going to see the world more like you do. They aren't going to be tired and worn out from life and they'll have the energy and the drive to enjoy having a family with you. I think you should get out now and not waste another moment with the old guy.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 I'm sorry but I really have to ask why did you not see all these things before you decided to have a child with him. You knew his age before you married him, surely you knew there would be problems if you married him. It sounds to me like you are never going to be happy in this marriage. He is 67, nobody is going to be able to change him now or make him see things differently. Again I am sorry you had to find this out the hard way, but you need to decide now what you want to do in the future, stay in this unhappy rut or get out and live your life the way you want to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've talked to him so many times that i have given up. It is evident that he doesn.t care about her. I wouldn't push him, else he will resent and treat her badly during my absence. He lacks the enthusiasm of a new young family.i just can't change him. I'm only 30. i don't want life to pass me by. He is also very judgemental and critical on everyone, which i HATE. E.g, people who watch tv/play golf have nothing better to do in their lives, people who have dogs are losers, exchanging gifts is meaningless. Now, how i'm i supposed to live his 67year old lifestyle. Is there a way to salvage this ship or it will eventually sink?
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 You did not fall in love with the man, you fell in love with the illusion of a man he made himself out to be.
Get out of the relationship.
A tired mother is depressed is much worse than a happy mother that is single.
Do what you need to do to provide a stable living environment for your kids.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (15 January 2012):
I would be shocked if any 67 year old man would say he wanted more children. Men really slow down after after 50 and taking on the responsibility of a child at that age would be exhausting to say the least, no matter how much they love you. Are you absolutely sure you didn't just imagine he said that, because you wanted a child with him and he didn't really refuse? As women we often read things into a situation because it's what we want and we totally miss all the signs indicating the man would be very unhappy if those events occurred. But if I'm wrong, this is what I suggest. Please buy your daughter a baby bed and stop sleeping with her in yours. Then your husband can at least return to the bed with you and the likelihood of you having sex in the near future will at least be feasible. Then one night a week I suggest you schedule a babysitter and go out somewhere with your husband, just the two of you and return to what it was like when you were just a couple. That means gaze into each other's eyes, order wine, talk about anything but the baby, diapers or being parents. Maybe then and only then will you be able to get the spark back into your marriage that parenting has swallowed along the way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): And why doesn't he help with the child? He helped make the child, I don't think it was only you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Why are you with someone your fathers age? It's a lot to take in when your newlyweds and have had a baby so soon. You say you've only lived together a short time too. Why are you sleeping with the baby for? Shouldn't it be in a cot? What about putting the baby in a cot, so you can be alone with your husband?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): I do understand your frustration. The thing with older men is that there is a generational gap there. In his generation the women are expected to take care of the children and the house, and the man bring home the money. It may not be right, but it is the way that they have been taught to see things. My parents were older parents, at pension age and the time in their life when they should have been winding down, but instead they had a toddler to bring up. I don't think he tricked you, it's just you didn;t take into account the stage in his life that he was in. As you get older you slow down and running after little children is a lot harder. My father was never able to do all the things with me that younger father's could do, changing nappies is something he never did, those type of things he saw as what Mum did, she had the same view as she was of the same generation. Talk to him about what you expect and what you need from him, it won't be easy because people of his age are generally set in their ways. You may find as the baby gets bigger he will become more involved, that's what my Dad did, and I had a fantastic relationship with my Dad and my Mum. I wonder why you married a man much older than yourself if you expected him to be like younger father's? Tell him what you expect from him, and even show him, but also listen to him and what he says to you. He may not be able to everything you expect of him, it may also take a fair bit of time to get him to change.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 January 2012):
I guess you have found out the hard way now that you have married a much older man. He is pension age now, he is well past his prime now and he should be a grandfather at his age now a father of a toddler. He is a pensioner now, so he just wants to spend the last chapter of his life peaceful and relaxed. This is not fair on you, I totally understand, but it makes me wonder why did you go for such an older man to have children with, if you wanted an active father figure in your child's life. I guess all you can really do is talk to him and ask him what is going on, tell him you are not happy and show him what you expect from him.
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