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female
age
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anonymous
writes: Would you believe in your husband if he would say, he does not know, why he has no sexual desire, and why he can't get up for 5 years? We have been married for 25 years, and had great sex. But sex suddenly stopped 5 years ago. He is impotent, but does not know why. The doc says it must be psychological, as all his tests are normal he is not sick. But he wouldn't go to the psychologist. Somewhat he still thinks, it is physical. He denies ,it is emotional. Now I m wreck, because I don't know where are we standing. What would you do in my situation? Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 You don't mention how old your husband is, but a lot of times, sexual dysfunctions can come about as a result of age, being overweight, having heart issues, smoking, diabetes, or a circulation problem. I agree with the other answers here in that he should also get his testosterone tested as well. Usually erection problems (and lack of interest) can be attributed to that or high estrogen (check for too much soy). Stress and anxiety can also inhibit libido as well.
There are some medications that he could try to see if that helps. Also if he is on any medications (anti-depressants for instance) those can lower his libido.
If none of these do apply, I think you do have to look at it as a performance hangup. Can he make himself hard by himself? Does he wake up with an erection in the morning? If this isn't happening, I am more willing to say it is a physical thing, rather than psychological.
Even if he is impotent, his job as a husband is still to provide for you sexually. He could pleasure you manually or orally and you should tell him that you still need to feel close to him sexually.
I think the first thing you should do, however, is schedule an appointment with his urologist and follow his recommendations.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Is he willing to explore and try other options?
Lots of men get erections involuntarily in the morning when they need to urinate. This is also the time of day when hormones are at their highest.
If he has not already done so, he should get a testosterone level check and a Prostrate exam.
If there is a confirmation on no physical issues, then hopefully he would be open to talking to a Sex Therapist.
Most of all, tell your husband it is painful if he chooses to be sexless the rest of his life, because he also choosing for you. Assuming you are both in the 40-50 year range, both of you are way too young to call it quits in the bedroom!
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 He really does need to see a therapist and it needs to be someone who specialises in sex disorders. It doesn't mean he will have to talk about his childhood and feelings etc he just needs to examine what has happened and why and how to start back down the road to sexual fulfilment. Also he needs to get some other doctors opinions. Tell him how it's making you feel.
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female
reader, megfaichney  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 i have been married for 27yrs,all kids are grown up we are on our own for the first time in years,my hubsand has been on and off impotance for years,i now dont bother setting myself up for a let down anymore,we havent had full onsex for over a year,we are ok as long as we dont want sex,it is soul destroying when your partner doesnt or cant be with you sexually you doubt yourself all the time,am i not pretty enough,sexy enough dont i turn him on anymore do i do sex the right way you name it ive thought of it all,we even tried the blue tablets,well nomore theres more to life than sexget a battery operated toy and see if he will improve over time,there is never the right answer.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Go to another doctor. Make sure they test his testoserone level and, no matter what that outcome is, still get a prescription for Viagra or Cialis.
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