A
male
age
30-35,
*azzedUp
writes:So I just started dating this girl 2 weeks ago and already there are problems. We met a year and 7 months ago when she was dating another guy named Hunter, and even though I reaaly liked her, I wasn't going to try and break them up. So they dated for a year and 8 months and broke up a month ago. I started talking to her two weeks after the breakup and we hit things off pretty well, but all she does is talk trash about Hunter and talk about their relationship. We've been dating for almost 2 weeks now and she keeps having sad fits where she cries over him and I feel so helpless. I know he wants her back and I feel like she wants him back too, so I'm just standing in the way. Its like all she has me for was to make him jealous and now that he's admitted to missing her a lot, she texts him all day and night. I'm considering stepping down and letting them be happy together. Is this the right thing to do? I just want her to be happy, whether it be with me, or without me. I don't mind being miserable for her happiness.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 August 2011):
 She is not over him and is using you as her soft place to fall to grieve him.
You are not in a relationship, you are her therapist.
For your OWN sake, it is safe to step back and let her figure out how to manage her own feelings.
She was not ready to enter into a new relationship because she still had unfinished business.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Yes step down. You would only be her rebound. Step down and dont become part of their problems.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): I'm sorry this has all happened. Things like this aren't a very easy thing to go through, but of course this is the way reality works sometimes. It sounds to me that you guys got together very quickly after her breakup with Hunter...maybe too quickly. They dated for a long time, and it's understandable that she wouldn't be over him yet. You can't just forget someone you loved and spent so much time with for over a year so fast. And Hunter seems to feel the same way. I'm afraid that maybe you could have been "the rebound" in this situation. She was probably so hurt and confused from her breakup, that she threw herself into the arms of any boy that showed any care or feelings for her, in this case, you. Don't get me wrong, she probably really does care about you, but when you say that she still cries and has fits over Hunter, it means she isn't over him yet, and maybe isn't ready to start a new relationship with you. I know it hurts, but I think you should give her time to figure out what she really wants. She obviously is still emotionally shaken over her break up. She just needs some time to clear her mind, regain control of herself, and then figure out what she really wants. I know it will hurt, but it's the best thing for BOTH of you right now. You don't want to be dating a girl that is still in love with her ex. But hey, maybe you will be able to find another amazing girl who is emotionally available! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (9 August 2011):
Are you sure shes crying because she wants to get back with him? If that's true, you need to dump her because she's just using you. The fact she is texting him all the time is a MAJOR red flag. She should not be doing this, it is disrespecting you totally.But - if she doesn't want to be with him, and she's upset for some other reason (such as being treated bad) and she can't seem to let go, support her, listen to her talk trash about hunter, let her get over him and whilst you do, you will show yourself to be a great boyfriend who she can trust and rely on.If she is still going on about him after a few months, pick her up on it. Tell her that you have given her enough time to get over him and that she should start to put him in the past, and concentrate on being with you. Also - stop with the "I don't mind being miserable for her happiness" that is loser nice guy talk. Why would you want to lose out on a top girl to some douchbbag? Man up and show her you're a great guy. Don't be the "nice" guy who finishes last. If you think you can make her happy, YOU make it happy - don't let her decide. But, don't be taken for a ride. If she is still in to this guy - don't let yourself be used by her.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Hey, Well unfortunely this does sound like she is not over Hunter at all and unfortunely she probably does still love him. As im sure you know when you go through a breakup everyone needs recovery time, if you started dating about a month after they broke up, it is most probable that she hasnt had much time to consider everything that has happened and maybe she isnt ready to move on or have another relotionship. She may well be confussed if she still loves Hunter and shes going out with you as she may well of realized shes got herself in too deep and doesnt want to hurt you. I think the best thing is just to ask her if she still loves hunter and wants to be back with him, depending on what she says well its your choice from there. Even if she doesnt want to get back with Hunter, maybe you should think about where this relotionship is going as she doesnt sound like she is ready for another one and she isnt over him. You could maybe take a break and give her time to recover from this break up and get back together when she is ready to move on and start again. Best of luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): maybe you should give her some space to sort her head out, without being nasty to you dont you think that after spliting up with someone after just 2 weeks would be a rebound! you seem a really nice guy dont let this girl walk all over you! shes obviously not over him thats why shes crying etc, maybe your just better off as friends x
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