A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I need a voice of reason. I was married to a man for 7 years and we have recently split up. During that time money has been very scarce due to the fact that initially he was in a very low paid job, then he bought his own business and has been working very hard to pay off his loan in a very short time, and I have supported him in this, paying for anything we needed in the house and putting up with a broken fence - and I mean broken - around the back garden, a house that badly needed some decorating and renewing after 20 years, the tv that wasn't digital and a satellite installed, etc etc, you get the picture. I was so used to him having no money - or so he said - that I just got on and did it, though he did pay for some things that were more than I could afford - broken flue in the loft, new water tank, but said his brother had given him the money, which I was both worried and embarrassed about. Anyway, we split up about 5 weeks ago and his post is still coming here. Long story short - the slow cooker boiled over during the night, spilling soup over his post and making it very soggy. When I realised what had happened I grabbed it out of the envelopes fast to try and retrieve the contents and saw it was 2 bank statements. One was him sending the money to buy his family a house, and it was a confirmation of the trnsfr of the money, and the other was a statement showing he had several thousand pounds in the bank. I was almost knocked over by the shock. Question is now - do I confront him with the letters, one of which I actually binned because it was so soggy and fell apart when I moved it, or do I keep schtum and just stay one step in front of him, and try to claw back a bit here and there - actually I've answered my own question, thats not me. I have to confront him, but actually I think I will say nothing, just apologise for the mess the letter is in and watch his reaction. Don't need to say more then. What do you think ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Caring Guy. I did actually talk to him last night though it wasn't face to face so I never saw his reactions, but he said the money wasn't his, he was sending over for a friend - and I'll never know the truth. I have to be careful against claiming against him as he could claim against my house if I do that, and it could become very messy and I could end up worse off. I've decided to just keep being up front and asking for whatever money I need - I'm no longer working - and trying to let this go as I've seen in the past day or so its already affected my health getting so angry. I can't afford that as I'm already waiting surgery. Big lesson learned here though. Thanks for your time.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 August 2010):
If he's married to you, then you need to confront him. That money is also yours, since you're his wife and you backed him up. You're entitled to it. Don't secretly claw it back, as you might get into trouble. Instead, talk to a divorce solicitor and get all your husband's assets frozen so he can be investigated. It's your money and your life too.
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