A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes...My husband who is in the middle of a midlife crisis has been having an internet affair for over 3 months now. I became aware of it when it was a month old. There was a lot of drama surrounding the affair and he told me that it was finished. Since then we have been on a family vacation, made plans for the summer and improved our home. Now I find that the affair is still going on. I heard him fighting with someone as I was coming home from work and he told me it was a coworker that he owed money to. I heard him say that he would call back in 15 minutes but never did. What does this person think he is doing when he is unavail for hours or even a day? The text messages from the bathroom do not count. . From what I can gather my husband has told her that he does not live with us (me and two kids) and that he will eventually marry her! How many lies has he told her? What about the run around he has been giving to her? Our sex life is as healthy as it has ever been. We went on a family outing last weekend and afterwards he was so overcome that we made love for hours and he told me that we were going to be ok and that he always loved me and still does.I wonder if she knows that he is an alcoholic (drinks half of a 1.75 liter of vodka a day), smokes countless number of cigarettes and has an addictive personality (the affair is and addiction) as well as internet porn and his cell phone. Do you think he has shared those little tidbits with his online soulmate? If he can do this to me and his family does she foolishly think she can change him? I am curious as to why she has not contacted me to get the full scoop. I am sure he says I am a lying crazy loon but who wouldn’t be after this? Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): i agree totally with elsie on her advise...the only thing that bothers me is the fact that you seem to be ok with what hes doing being he takes you on vacations and made love to you for hours. you cannot justify his actions by saying his having a mid life crisis and if that was my husband and i found out he told another woman he would leave me and marry her he would be out on his ear.what he is doing is totally and utterly wrong and you should not allow him to walk all over you this way. i wish you the best of luck
A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 you seem to be focusing a little too much on what she will think of him?does she know the full scoop?can she change him?why so many questions about her?isnt his disgusting behaviour bad enough as it is without worrying about whats in her mind?someone once asked my a good question.how would i advertise my ex fella?what good points then the bad.obviously a hell of a lot more bad points hence the ex factor.ive had it all done to me and it WILL NEVER change please believe me.his lying and thrill seeking personalty disorder is who he is.pathological lying and these people goes hand in hand.the ups and downs extreme behaviour is their addiction not ours.you will get drawn in deeper and deeper until you dont know who you are one day.why wait?thats how he is lowering your defenses even more.its now becoming a pointless battle between who knows what between you and her.isnt what you think about this whole mess whats important now?you are developing the fixation that i myself was once guilty off.what you are doing is trying to tell her how terrible this man is then on the other hand desperately trying to hold on to him but secretly hoping you can switch her off.the only person who can switch her off is him.all the signs show he is just as addicted to her as he is to lying,drinking and deceiving you.i knew what i had to do.i hope you come to the same decision as i once did.a great weight will lift off of your shoulders.yes it will be bloody hard but not as hard as trying to figure out this man and spending the rest of your life trying to do it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): You and the girlfriend both sound like a couple of people who really could use come professional help. Who could cope with such lies day in and day out from an obvious sicko predator? Save yourself and your kids! The GF sounds like a real winner.
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