A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I left my husband because he had a problem with my body and would make comments. Mainly about loose skin ( dr says its as good as it will ever be again short of surgery which I'm not doing ) from babies and my breasts sagging , the general aging stuff dispute the fact I'm fit and healthy he would look at women in porn and out with obvious lust yet the only things he ever said to me is things like 'can't you do something about ... That's (pointing to my loose skin)We split over a year ago but he is pushing hard to reconcile and says he loves mr and is sorry for saying all that he didIn my head I think ' ok be apologised and I accept it' I do love him and want my marriage back. Yet in my heart I know I have the same body and nothing will change Do I go back or take a chance on finding someone who doesn't feel the need to compare me in the first place and loves me as I am?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 February 2015):
 I agree with Ciar.
He doesn't WANT to be alone, but haven't found someone else who will HAVE him, so he is hoping some "groveling" will make you take him back.
And I think you are considering it, partly out of familiarity (he is someone you are VERY used to being around) and partly because you loved the man he WAS at some point.
I would take a good long hard look at how things are for you NOW and how they WERE before you left.
And I would NOT go back without some sort of couples counseling/marriage counseling. Because it IS easy for him to apologize - but he may NOT entirely understand what he ACTUALLY did to you. And he MAY not care. If he feel that his "tell it like it is" attitude is OK he isn't going to change.
And seriously does he still look like a 20 year old Adonis? No flap, no gut, washboard abs? I doubt it. He should tear you down, EVER.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 February 2015):
 Your husband is not going to marry a porn star so he realizes how stupid it was to comment on something you won't change. I think it's his man language to express he has been having erection problems and instead of admitting this to you he blamed it on your loose skin.
Tummy tuck is something that I would consider doing in the future. If he indeed has erection problems then I doubt a new you would fix this.
I do hope your husband has some redeeming quality. Although the fact you left meant you've had enough. You wanted to go back but you were reminiscing on how good he was before. Still I would give him a chance. You can always focus on a new relationship later, if you are not satisfied with your husband and if he reverts to his old ways, like watching porn.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (22 February 2015):
 The reason your husband is so eager to reconcile is he's down on his luck and hasn't found a suitable woman to replace you.
If he'd finally found his dream woman and was living his dream life, how often do you suppose you'd hear from him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2015): I was engaged to someone who criticised my body. I haven't had any children and have slightly saggy breasts and maybe a little too much weight around my tummy, but he pointed these things out in a cruel way and then passed it off as me being too sensitive or that I couldn't take a joke and instead of ending it there and then, I hung on for another 2 years and you know the things he said NEVER stopped chipping away at my self-esteem, even after I eventually left him after more and more escalating abuses. It was hard to let him go because I REALLY loved him but a man who cuts at your self-esteem in the way my ex did and in the way your husband has done, does not love you. You bore his children and he is criticising the wonderful body that performed that miraculous feat. I would let him go. Marriage is supposed to be in sickness and in health and love and support no MATTER what happens to us physically. What if he lost his penis? All his hair.. or developed huge man boobs? Or had an accident leaving him unable to even walk? Would you criticise his body in the same way?You WILL meet a genuine man. Take care and stay strong.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 February 2015):
 You want your marriage back, but why, which bit of your marriage? You were unhappy enough, yet strong enough, to walk away from a husband who had no respect for you, and who did not show by word or deed that he loved you.
What is he prepared to do to win you back? How has he shown that he is truly repentant and will not revert back to the arsehat he was?
If you go back your marriage will be different .... it will never be as it once was, just for the fact you left it ore than a year ago.
Think about your options very carefully, have you been happier or more content since you left him, more at peace even?
If you really loved him, and wanted to get your marriage back would you be thinking about finding somebody who will love you as you are?
I know I keep harping on this, but what has he done to show he has changed and wont revert back?
Take your time making a decision, and if you do decide to give it a second chance make sure he is aware your return is dependant on his continued changed behaviour, and as soon as he reverts back leave again, and this time have all your ducks lined up in a row to make sure you are adequately compensated for giving it another go.
Remember, if you do go back and he does stuff up no more chances. Just up and leave, he should be smart enough to know why you are going without you having to say one word.
Good luck.
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