A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Should I give my husband a second chance? We have been together for almost 11 years. My daughter was 7 when we met. He was very affectionate, and was very good with my daughter. The only thing I found out about him is that he has problems with anger. He gets angry about things that don't make sense to me. It has gotten worse over the last few years as my daughter is now 18 years old. It seems as though the older she got the worse their relationship got. We had another little girl within those years and she is now 5. He is getting that way with her too. Constantly complaining and yelling about anything and everything. He had an argument with my oldest daughter and he ended up putting his fist through the wall. I honestly have never felt physically threatened by him, but I do feel that he may be verbally abusive. Where do I start. Do I give him time to get help? Is it best that he moves out for a while? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (9 April 2011):
 I don't think moving out (or him moving out) is the answer at this stage. So long as he hasn't become physically abusive, there is still hope.I think you need to pull your husband aside -- one on one and express your concerns to him in a non-confrontational manner. You guys are a team in raising your children and let's face it -- raising girls are TOUGH (more so than boys, IMO) -- especially in this day and age. Explain to him that you are worried about him and his relationship with his daughters and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to help him. Part of it is too, that daughters are going to make mistakes and get into a variety of troubles. That's part of growing up.He may need to seek some professional help (again, I am not sure how bad he is at this point). Also, he may need to go to joint counseling with his daughter so that they can learn how to communicate better with one another.Ultimately, though, something will have to change and I think the two of you, as a team, can work something out so that your home will be one of peace.Good luck.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 He needs to start anger management immediately. If he refuses for some odd reason then you should leave him. Abuse, no matter what form, can and will damage lives, especially when it affects someone as young as 5 years old. As you said, it is only getting worse.I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, shabby-chic  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Firstly for the safety of yourself and the children, you need to take imminent action lest the situation gets worse and someone gets hurt. It is also important that he recognises this anger problem, till he does he is unlikely to do something about it. So it's worth sitting him down, explaining that you care but his behaviour is causing problems and likely to tear the family apart. If he knows what is at stake, then he should cooperate. The fundamental aspect of anger problems is that such individuals are irrational or so it may appear to others. So behaviours that are the norm to him such as anger over petty things are to you out of place, especially as he has lived with it for such a long time. In relation to moving out that is a reasonable suggestion that could be worth implementing. That should give him time to cool off and hopefully gain a new perspective as to how his behaviour impacts the family. Identyfying that his relationship with the children are at breaking point is another incentive to seek help. Of uttermost importance is that you stand firm in ensuring that he seeks help rather than allowing him to maybe talk his way out of it. If you do then his next anger phase might be very destructive. Be strong.
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