A
female
age
,
*an123
writes:my husband has had an affair and though he left and has come back having made a huge mistake i am still re- living it all and cant seem to move on.we have been married 30 years and this other woman was his collegue, he was the boss. he resigned from his work and to be honest i thought he was having a mid life crisis.he told my daughter about the affair and she in turn told me,what a responsibility, she was unable to bear it and told him to go, which he did once i had been told and he said he wasnt going back to HER but he did and lied!!however hes home now having told the o.w. that he couldnt do it and that he missed us all(we have 2 children grown up and a grandson)he has shown such alot of remorse but i keep winding myself up, i take 1 step forward and 3 back. ive never confronted this woman (a friend i thought), as my kids have said to hold my head high and have self respect but it bugs me that she continues her life and mine is in tatters(my doing i know) but she sent me his shirt through the post telling me to open my eyes how vindictive is that,she also had an affair with another married man before my husband and previous to that was dumped by her long term partener.she poured paint over his motor bike and when he had a child by another woman even said she hope something would happen to it,shes certainly not all there and shes lucky she isnt sipping hospital food through a straw!!!! thats how mad i am, i know it took two but she should of known better aswell.she always liked my husband and always said she wished he had a brother!! we are selling the house and in fact have a buyer but am i doing right!!! he wants to do the things we had planned to do but am i heading into another fine mess???he has no contact with her that i am definate about along with knowing he is truely sorry and that is an understatement..but whats wrong with me, guess i feel that things are never gonna be the same and although people say it can be better.....i cant see that.i dont see the man i married the man i adored the man i thought was my world..i want to but its taking soooo long...i feel i am going mad, he wants me to be excited about new beginnings but guess im just waiting for something to go wronghelp!!!jan
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affair, married man, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jan123 +, writes (29 July 2009):
jan123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe wants to be home here but the situation with jobs at present prevents this.oh believe me he isnt doing anything i have no doubts on that score,hes had a massive wake up call and ive put things in place so that if i ever have a shadow of doubt hes gone...i.e. he will leave pennyless and loose everything, that was his doing too as he wanted me to know he was truly committed.so everything we own is mine lock stock and barrel, so thats why i know hes truthful...believe me hes SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.now its, if i can move on as i said before.suppose its "ca sa ra sa ra"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): jan, if he truly was committed he would be at home with you, not living on the boat. also how sure are you that he is not playing away during the week, since he only comes home during weekends. if there is anything to salvage in this marriage he needs to be at home with you. and not be a part time hb. if he is truly remorseful and he wants his wife back then he needs to catch a wake up. he needs to quit the boat and come home to you. he needs to committ fully to you agin and not just mere words.
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A
female
reader, jan123 +, writes (27 July 2009):
jan123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replies, guess its something i have to sort out myself!! we dont live together he lives on our boat and me in our home, he comes home at weekends, so really thats probably why its taking me so long to know what i want, he on the other hand knows what he wants and that is for us to be together for ever. he only said tonight (he rings 3 times a day) that he punishes himself everyday with what hes done to me...we met when we were 15 and a half so ive known him a life time, but 35 years later he drops this bombshell...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): jan, why is he back home. do you even want him with you. you are in so much of pain and turmoil. does he even know what he has done to you. so many men go , f*ck around, then expect to come back to their faithful wives, just expecting to carry on, without a thought to the humiliation, pain and suffering of their loyal spouse. what has your hb learnt? you are justified in feeling the way you do, what can he do to repair his home and do you even want him to. some men (people) do not change. can you live with this unknowing. you need to make some hard choices and be prepared to live it through. in the end you will have yor self respect back, but no hb. i think you we it to yourself to be happy, even if it means without him. you need to preserve your emotions and be vigilent in your attempt to get back a quality life. your hb is just like so many out there - but i think he made a huge mistake, you are not like other wives, are you. you sound strong, through the pain and unease, but you are a survivor. you have survived his affair, not survive getting rid of him. he has brought you too much of turmiol, what with his lies. do your homework regarding all finances and be wise with your choices. please be strong and take control of your life. you can survive without him. you just need to believe this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): Perhaps you need to have an affair of your own! See if you have any feelings after that for your husband. fear of being alone could be what's keeping you there. Don't be afraid, you do deserve to be happy without worrying the other shoe will drop. Good Luck!
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