A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 weeks pregnant and feeling very hormonal and emotional all the time. My husband works 12 hours most days and leaves at 11 and comes back at 11. It breaks my heart so much because I never get to see him and I feel so alone. He has two days off a week that I get with him and it's amazing but sometimes his boss makes him work on the Sunday which is great because I work sometimes I have to work and it's rare that i get overtime, and we need the money so I just agree to it. I had been looking forward to spending sunday with him all week and planned a lovely candle lit dinner and day out for us and then saturday night he comes home and tells me that he's been told he has to work tommorow. It's so annoying because it always happens when i plan something nice. I got really upset when he was in the bathroom and couldn't stop myself from crying. I felt stupid when he came in the room so tried to stop myself from crying, but he sort of got annoyed because 'he's the one that has to go to work, and he doesn't want to' and whenever i say to him anything about his hours, he's always like 'well i wouldn't mind you doing all of these hours and me only working part time.' I love him so much and it's really hard because everytime i get upset he just loses his patience with me and i literally just needed comforting. I wasn't asking him to quit his job because I understand that if he didn't work, we'd have nothing. He says it upsets him to see me cry but I just felt like he got angry and he kept asking me to stop but everytime he moved away from me it just made me more upset and I needed him to comfort me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2013): I was like this as well during my pregnancy with my daughter, I have a son as well.My husband worked 90 to 100 hour weeks and I rarely ever got to see him. I was upset that I didn't ever get to see him and I was pregnant and lonely and I had my two year old son all day. Instead of breaking down and crying everytime he came home after work and telling him how crappy my day was because I'm pregnant and had to deal with a toddler all day. I would welcome him home with a hug and a kiss. I had dinner already made for him, so we sat down together and ate and I let him vent about his day. Then He said he wanted to watch some television, so we settled down in the living room and rubbed each other's feet while we watched t.v. together.I know it's hard when your significant other is working and you never get to see him, so make the best of the time that you do get to see him. Make it special and intimate. Even more so now that you two are expecting, congratulations by the way, because with him working that much and after you have your baby, you aren't going to want to do anything except sleep.Good luck to you and I hope you come to some agreement with your husband.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (18 June 2013):
As a guy who used to work 100 hours weeks on Wall St, let me remind you, he isnt out drinking, he isnt out carousing with women, he isnt out partying - he is WORKING. You know - the hard stressful stuff that almost no one likes to do? After coming home from a 11 hour stressful day, how much do you think he wants deal with a crying wife first thing? You should try working hours like that for just a month then see how you feel if someone did that to you. Im sure he'd rather be "lonely" for 11 hours a day instead of a boss and deadlines breathing down his neck, but fortunately for you, you have a husband with determination and gumption.
If I were you, Id be a bit more supportive of what he is going through on a daily basis.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (18 June 2013):
 Everyone knows that pregnancy and hormones is just a roller coaster ride. Up to this point we are all in agreement and.. We also all agree that in order to survive, one needs to work... so...
I think that you need to really make an effort to take the heat off him about having to work. You can't and shouldn't make his presence the basis of your happiness. This is not healthy for either of you. I know that you love him and want him to be there for you but as he is committed to a job you need to allow him that space. Perhaps you have a lot of free time on your hands and feeling at a loss. Try to get involved in some activities like pregnancy yoga, walks in the park, book clubs, cookery classes.. something ...anything to keep busy. Good luck hun xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): I'm sorry you're feeling so down, and yes being pregnant can make you feel more emotional. But, put yourself in his shoes. He has to work 12 hours a day and sometimes on the weekends too. Working 12 hours a day is exhausting. And then, when he comes home, he doesn't get understanding and support from you instead you are crying and expecting him to comfort you. I know you feel lonely, but you're just going to have to learn to cope on your own, I'm sorry but that's how it is. You are dragging your husband down by being so dependent on him when he is already maxed out working so much. It's OK to cry when you're feeling down and lonely. But if you're crying a lot and making it his responsibility to regulate your emotions for you, that's not healthy. He, like you, is just trying to survive and do his job of providing for you and your family. You need to support him too, not just expect him to support you. And one way you can support him is to learn to self-soothe and take care of your own emotions by yourself.I suggest going to your doctor and maybe they can prescribe you some medication to help stabilize your moods. It's normal to be feeling emotional, but you need to learn to cope on your own with your own emotions, and not be depending so heavily on your husband who is already over-worked trying to support you financially.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): Nothing makes men more unsettled than an emotional woman. Scientist claim there is an inherent hormonal response wired into men; that lowers his testosterone level when around a crying woman. They believe nature added this psychological response as a survival mechanism to protect women.This sudden drop in testosterone make him suddenly uncomfortable; he often will do what ever he can to soothe her; or he will leave to remove himself from the situation.You are an emotional mess right now, and his work pressures make him less equipped to handle his duties to comfort you.The situation is stressful; and you both really need each other. Ask him to hold you. Don't be afraid to. It would be hard for him to refuse. You are carrying his child.Don't struggle with your emotions. They aren't meant to be controlled. Just let them flow. Purchase some reading and download information for him to read about pregnancy. He is obviously uneducated on the subject and a bit insensitive.You are not a walking incubator; you are the mother of his unborn. You have the hardest part of the pregnancy to deal with. He is a jerk to let you feel so miserable and alone.It is evident he comes from a family that isn't very affectionate. Your demand for affection makes him so uncomfortable that he even gets irritable. This also stems from his exhaustion. You both have a heavy burden to carry and it is common among expecting couples. All he wants to do, is kick back and sleep. Well, he better get used to less sleep when baby comes.You need to bring your mum or another female into the picture to get you through the day. A male would never understand what you're going through, and he would stay as far away from you as he could; because of the bawling and emotionalizing. He gets totally creeped out. Unfortunately, his reaction is normal. However; it is highly unacceptable. He's bailing out on you, emotionally.You know he can't work less hours and you know you need the money. He feels terrible for neglecting you; but he should overcome his detachment to soothe and comfort you; as nature requires him too. He has issues with closeness; and uses his job as a convenient escape. If he isn't normally affectionate, he isn't likely to suddenly change overnight. These are issues dating back to childhood.He'd rather work until he dropped, than have to deal with your emotional state. When he gets into bed, spoon with him.When he comes home from work, hold him. Before he leaves for work, hug him. Steal what you need when you can.Bring in mum to give reassurance and hugs. You need company throughout the day. So find someone dear to you, to fill in those lonely hours. Let him feel the baby kick and realize that child inside you belongs to both of you. That is an experience you should both be having together. Bonding starts from within the womb. Not after the baby is born.Hugs to you and good luck.
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