A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband has the ability to be flexible in his job schedule, so he doesn't really have a time he HAS to be to work, but he does normally work for 8 hours. If he comes home later than usual, I sometimes will ask him when he started work that day, and he immediately becomes agitated, angry and defensive. I do not ask him this daily, but have on occasion and his reply is one of irritability. Generally, he turns it into a question to me which is something along the lines of "why, what are you worried about??" His response makes me think he is trying to hide something, or why wouldn't he just say when he started work that day? I don't presume to know what he's wanting to hide, but it makes me feel very insecure in our relationship. Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): I can't say for sure whats going on for you but in my experience, my ex used to be really defensive like that & always dodging answering my questions. I don't want to bum you out but turns out he was up to no good. And one thing that you measure this off of is how he responds to other types of questions. Without being obvious, ask him specific questions unrelated to work, whereabouts or timelines. but ask questions that require a specific answer. if he answers those questions thoroughly & accurately but still gives you grief when asked where he was of things like that then he's probably not working all those hours he won't account for. And on the otherhand-If he's still vauge or is still bothered by those questions too then he's probably just not into answering them. He may just be tired of your investigations or inuendo's that he's not being honest. Say, if you never used to believe him in the past, he might have just quit trying to answer you. Or he's a jerk & doesnt think its your business. Are you a suspicious type? Maybe a micromanager or a bit of a control freak? He could also just be annoyed that your questioning him. Like you don't trust him. I know it sure pissed me off to no end when he would question me- I mean, I was the poster child of a good girfriend so it hurt that he thought so little of me...little did i know what was really going on, but thats another story... I can't say for sure but I definitely can relate to how your feeling. Its unfortunate that I most people dont see it until its over. I know i didn't. Well good luck with this.
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (4 March 2010):
 I was just about to say what CaringGuy said - most men, if asked why he's coming home so late, will just say "aww, man, it was just a hectic day" or "I had a lot of stuff to get done." They rarely if ever get defensive like your husband gets. I'd be very suspicious, too.
Do you know any of his co-workers? If so, maybe ask him/her what time most people usually leave for work and if your husband's lateness is usual or unusual. Try to see what's going on here cause it sounds fishy to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): If his job is static and he drives to work just record his mileage one evening and check it out against the following evenings mileage, see if it adds up or if hes driving elsewhere. Also check the car out if he has one. A friend if mine found a full set of clothes in the trunk of her husbands car, that he wore for secret dates! Some people view their cars as good places for hiding things. In my partners car, ive found a secret stash of money...while we were living with the help of my overdraft because we were so broke, a spare sim he had for contacting his ex and a final warning notice from his employer. Dont accuse him of anything but start being watchful.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 March 2010):
I agree. This response is a little suspicious to be honest. Most men will say that they were just at work and needed to work late. His response is very suspicious. Dig deeper though, before you confront him anymore. If he is hiding something, he will now hide it more. So you need more fact.
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