A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, my husband and I have been having some trust issues, though not the kind you'd normally think of. With us, it's that if he embarrasses me in public, and I ask him nicely to stop, he won't. He just keeps doing what he's doing, saying "oh, it's okay" or "I'm not embarrassing you!". He also talks very loudly all the time so people can tell there's something going on even though I'm trying to whisper and deal with the situation in a more private manner. This kind of thing happens pretty often, and he never seems to think that anything he does is inappropriate for a public setting. I do want him to enjoy himself, but I also need to be able to enjoy myself too. How can I get him to trust that I have a legitimate reason for asking him to stop, and to listen when I nicely ask him to? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 October 2010):
Hi there. He sounds a bit insecure, or at least has some self doubt.
(1) When did it all start?
(2) What is it he does, that you find embarrassing?
If you could answer these questions, I'll see what I come up with.
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (17 October 2010):
 I DO NOT agree with "You Wish". Sending him an e-mail will just show him you are afraid of him,and you are not equal in this relationship.
Often I hear women complaining about a thing their men did,or said. And then they nag to him,or try to talk things over.
So what do they do in all cases?
THEY USE WORDS.
Now that's a technique few men respond to.
Most men respond to actions.
You don't want your man embarrassing you? Embarrass him. Get him upset. Be cool. When he tells you not to do it again,don't go nagging. Ignore his words (just like he ignored urs) and do it once again. The second time he complains,say you think it's ok to do it since he does it. Say that by looking very care free. Don't say it in a resentment/revenge way "Since u did it,its ok for me to do it!" ....He'll go nuts. Now he will be feeling inferior.
Thats when you'll sit down and tell him that if he wants you to stop embarrassing him he will have to do the same.
You achieved what you wanted by just imitating his behavior.
Easy. Not exchausting.
good luck :-)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Here's the thing. You have to talk to him when it's not in the thick of the incident. This means not in public during an act of embarrassment
Aunt Honesty is right - sit down and explain it to him alone. Come up with instances where he embarrassed you. If your arguments tend to get sidetracked, send him an email so that you can say what you need to without dealing with his "oh, it's okay" making you upset.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Well am afraid you cant really change your husband some people are just loud, am sure you knew what he was like before you married him and trying to change him now is going to be hard you will have a job on your hands.
Sit down with him and explain to him exactly how you feel its all you can do. Tell him his behaviour really embarresses you and it leads to you not being able to enjoy your night.
Try not let what other people say or think get to you.
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