A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband says that he doesn't want to be with me anymore because I support my family. My family is overseas and I am living in USA since 2007, I have a decent job and YES I help my family sending some money each month. We both work and we don't have kids and the amount that I send to them every month doesn't really affect our finances.I never thought that my hb cares about it, but 3 months ago he said to me that he can not tolerate more this situation and I have to decide between my family or him! How that can be possible?? I told him that I really love him and If I have to talk with my family about it and help them less often, I know they will understand and we can still be together. But he says NO because that is no going to change never...he says that my family (my mom) is a manipulative person and I am living for her and I forgot my commitment as a married woman.I am so sad because the way that he talked to me was very mean and rude and he said maybe I will find a man who can tolerate at wife with that situation but he is not that person.I don't know what to think, what to do, we are apart since December and some times he call me just to ask things about bussines and stuff but anything else.He seems very defensive when I tried to talk about it, should I try again??
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you'll very much...Yes I am very alone in US..my family lives overseas and his family too..We don't have any relatives here.Now I understand many things since I read the coments..and is true that I need to move on and see for my own life, he doesn't care about the compromise anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): It is natural to look out for your family and help them, so carry on doing so and find a husband with better values.
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A
male
reader, Ignacio ramos +, writes (21 May 2011):
Keep supporting your family if your dumb ass husband don't like it you can tell him thers the front door and don't let the door hit you were the good lord split you on way out you have every right to support your family sending them money your husband is acting like a little bitch
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (21 May 2011):
It sounds like you and your husband had massive communication problems in your relationship all along. You had no idea that he even cared that you send money to your family. Yet he did care about it and to such a great degree that he can't take it anymore and wants to leave you.
Did he never say anything before but was hiding his true feelings from you? Or, are you a bad listener and ignored his previous attempts at communication?
He says you are "living for your mom" and ignoring your commitment to the marriage. It sounds like this is not just about you sending money back...does your family control your life?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2011):
 Why are you still married to him? Personally I see nothing wrong in you sending a portion of YOUR salary home to your family if YOU wish to help them out. I don't understand why he thinks he can dictate what you spend your money on, if bills and everything else for the two of you are paid. Whether you spend money on shoes or helping your family, it's not his job to tell you what you spend it on.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 May 2011):
 was your husband not aware of your financial situation when you two got married? based on what you say here, he sounds extremely selfish. once you get married, you become family. that includes extended family. your family is his family and his family is yours. and when family is in need, you both should step up and help out. of course, i don't know all of the details of this situation, or if your mom really does have a tendency to take your generosity for granted. but based on what you say, he's in the wrong. especially since you say it's not really effecting your overall finances.it's worth a shot to talk to him, but he seems pretty adamant that he's unwilling to put up with this, right or wrong. ideally, you two should be able to compromise. that's what people do in marriages. maybe give it another shot at communicating and see how that goes. good luck.
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