A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 18 year old female, i'm about to leave school for good, just have my exams to complete. I've developed a strong attraction towards my female teacher. She is 30 years old, and i sometimes do think she has feelings for me too. She hasn't acted on anything, but i sense she's attracted through her body language and staring which isnt teacher behaviour, especially the staring. Also once, she knocked my foot with her accidentally i suspect, therefore she lost concentration and stopped talking for a few seconds, i thought that was odd. I understand the laws between student and teacher. But i'm just wondering, would i be able to tell her after my exams are over and see if she does feel the same, perhaps then we could start a relationship? I do understand i could be reading into things too much, but i'm a person that doesn't like to think 'what if'. Thanks xx
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female
reader, AmyMckinley  +, writes (21 May 2011):
All I'll say is go for it,girl! Same here I think I'm liking a teacher but I'll wait until I get in university then I'll confess to him. Love is right not wrong.Age is just a number, don't let it get in your way. Who knows, maybe this is a love of your life.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 May 2011):
 Once you get to uni, you will NOT want to come home at weekends. You will want to stay with your new friends, and socialise. Believe me - been there done it got the tshirt. You will not want to be at home with parents and then go back and hear all the stuff everyone else has been getting upto and you missed out on. You will become immersed in the new culture of UNi, the new people, new things to learn, and being independant. You will have to grow up a lot.
This is why 99% of school relationships fail. People move on and make new friends and make new lives for themselves. And that is how it should be.
At the end of the day, there is nothing I can say to make you see that having a relationship with this woman is not a good move. You will soon have left school and be free to make mistakes as you choose. It will end in tears and you will end up feeling silly.
I will say tho, that if she DID start anything with you, it would be frowned upon by the school. Legally they might not be able to do anything, but professionally she would get a reputation.... everyone would know she had a thing for young girls and therefor *could* pose a threat to younger naive students. The general consensus is, if it happens once, then it could happen again, and your records are tainted.
But again, you keep telling us you are an adult. It is your choice. Do you want to destroy this womans career.
You have not said if she IS a lesbian? How do you know she actually finds women attractive? Do you know anything about her? Does she have a secret boyfriend at home which she never mentions to her pupils?
I know as a teacher I NEVER mention my personal life in front of the students. Its not professional and I would rather not talk about my private life. For all I know, some of them may think im a lesbian because I dont talk about my boyfriend and they never see me with him. But I am not. Do you see how you could jump to conclusions? Being a PE teacher, she has to be more hands on and physical with pupils. Don't you think there could be boys who feel exactly the same way as you do about her? What would you tell them? That they must be seeing things because she fancies girls? There may be other girls who wouldnt notice any of the actions you have talked about as being important, because to them, they are not - they are not interested in her.
I feel that you are misinterpreting her actions because you WANT them to mean something.
you said this "I cannot have feelings for anyone else"
THis is what tells me you have a crush on her - and that is all it is. Every single woman has said that about someone in their lives. And they are fibbing if they say they havent. We get obsessed over people, we put them on a pedestal. No one will ever match them and we will never feel anything for anyone else.
Its a load of rubbish. It may feel like our hearts are going to snap in two if we cant have this person, but you WILL move on and you WILL feel love again for someone else. I know you can't see that now, but in a few years, you will look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking.
Do your exams, go to university. Grow up, move on. Become an adult woman. Forget about this teacher.
Once you get to uni, you will be surrounded by likeminded people. Most universities have very active LGBT societies (altho some can be a bit militant) where you can meet and soclialise with likeminded people. You will meet more lesbians than you will know what to do with.
Do you want to be stuck where you are now for the rest of your life, or do you want to explore the world, and your younger years? This woman has been there done it already. She doesnt want to go clubbing, doesnt want to go drinking, doesnt want to 'hang out' with a load of teenagers. Sorry, but that is the truth.
She is too old for you, and a teacher. Best to cut the ties with your childhood, move on and make your own future somewhere else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your time on replying to this question. And yes celtic I see what you mean, but if I could fall for someone my age things would be a hell of a lot easier, I cannot have feelings for anyone else. It is daft my feelings as in a way I barely know the woman. But I cant help but suspect. I have applied for university, its an hour away, i'd be home on weekends. I cant help but think we could be something but you may be right, I could be reading into body language. Do you think it would be okay to admit my feelings to her when my exams are oficially over?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): This situation is so common that I think she is probably just being nice, and possibly has noticed you like her and doesn't want to lead you on. Try to find someone your own age. This will pass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your time on replying to this question. And yes celtic I see what you mean, but if I could fall for someone my age things would be a hell of a lot easier, I cannot have feelings for anyone else. It is daft my feelings as in a way I barely know the woman. But I cant help but suspect. I have applied for university, its an hour away, i'd be home on weekends. I cant help but think we could be something but you may be right, I could be reading into body language. Do you think it would be okay to admit my feelings to her when my exams are oficially over?
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (21 May 2011):
 She wouldnt be breaking the law but i am pretty sure she would be breaking the school rules in some way, also your only 18, for is 30, that is a big gap for a relationship, if she actually wanted one, which in my opinion aint likely.Why not look for a girl your own age, but if you really have to tell her do it, if she says no atleast you dont have to see her again!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 May 2011):
 i honestly see nothing wrong with waiting until you're done with exams to ask her on a date. you're an adult, she's an adult, and she will no longer be your teacher. it may be weird, though, at first, to break out of the teacher/student role you're used to. best of luck.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 May 2011):
To be perfectly honest, even tho it wouldn't be against the Law as such, it would still be professionally frowned upon, and as such she may well be disciplined for unprofessional behaviour.
You realise no sane 30 year old would want to date a teenager? Sorry to burst your bubble, but we see you as children. You are too young, too childish. you have no life experience - you do not know what it is like. You dont even know who you are as an adult yet! Over the next three years you will learn so much about yourself as a person and as a woman. Your outlook on the world will change, your likes, dislikes, wants and needs. Who you are now, will be very different to who you are then. And what you think you want now, will have changed a lot.
I am 27, I teach 18 year olds, and I would never date someone that age. They are just not on my wavelength and to be honest, I mother them. They are just overgrown kids who need guidance and advice.
You are reading body language because you want to see it. It is very easy when you want to see something to interpret it in a way that suits what you want. Could you be wishful thinking?
One question tho - do you know she is a lesbian?
You are nearly 18. Are you going to university? How far away? How could you start a relationship now, if you are heading off for 3 years. Would you throw your life away? A relationship certainly wouldnt last long distance, they very rarely do last thru university. Even for well established long term relationships.
My advice is to keep this as a crush, which is all it is. Keep the dream nice and happy in your head and look back at it. But do not act on it, it is fantasy. Move on with your life, grow up, mature and create your own future. Dating a teacher is not the thing to do.
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