A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Porn is playing a vital role in runining the minds of our spouse. More than once, I found porn on laptops, emails, and mobiles. My husband claims that his friends sent them. I have come to find out that porn differs from real sex life. They actually take a break in-between the sex! We have to go all the way, and sometimes I get tired before him. I dont think we are on good terms anymore, and i dont trust him that much. I dont deny that im a raged person who can be mean sometimes. He has a tour for his job and im traveling with him and leaving my daughter with my mother in order to save my marriage and renew our vows. Maybe just maybe if we get away we can reunite. Anyway even in sex he is triggered by porn and is shocked when i cant do the stuff they do or stay that long. Im a thin person and he also wants me to go on a diet. I have iron defficiency now. Im sorry to bother you. It an ongoing story. Just saying. Would appreciate advice.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Men who build expectations of women from watching porn are being extremely unrealistic. Cerberus gives good advice here - you must be firm on this and set your limits. Porn stars perform under totally different circumstances from normal sex and are generally very different from normal people in terms of our sexual appetites and needs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): In order for your marriage to be saved two things need to happen as I see it.
Firstly you have to find a way of venting your anger in a more appropriate way. You need to find a way of controlling that and to stop being mean.
Secondly he needs to stop watching porn and get real. He needs to know that porn isn't sex, it's acting and is not how to actually have sex. You're his wife, not a porn star and he needs to understand that. It is of course good to try new things and stuff like that but it has to be stuff that you both like.
So here's what should happen, tell him you're not going on a diet to lose weight because your current diet is already so bad that you have Iron deficiency, you need to sort out your diet to make it healthy and with a full range of nutrients. He has no say in how you eat nor what you eat, so he has to let it go because you're not going to change your mind, your child needs a healthy happy mother. Not a sick one that gets even more sick because her husband demands she go on a diet.
You have to tell him that porn is ruining your marriage and it's making him a really bad lover. He is getting the complete wrong impression of what sex actually is from it so he needs to stop watching it because you're not his whore, you're not some prostitute he just picked up that will let him treat you that way without having any consideration for how you want to be pleasured. Sex is a mutual act of sexual pleasure, he needs to stop being an idiot and realize porn isn't real.
OP you have a hell of a lot of issues with this man and honestly I think you should get professional help with this. You don't trust him, he watches porn all the time, he has built up ridiculously stupid expectations of sex from watching it, you have anger issues and act mean a lot of the time, you currently have an Iron deficiency which is very common in your part of the world due to the fact that Muslim women who cover themselves up so much don't get enough vitamin D because they don't get enough sun on their skin.
Getting away together is certainly worth trying. Go to your doctor about getting more iron and vitamin D in your diet. Perhaps your anger and meanness is part of that. if not then perhaps you can go to classes to learn how to cope with that but he has to start trying too. He has to do quite a few things to make this work.
Trust is a very big too, whatever reason you don't trust him that has to be resolved somehow.
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