A
female
age
41-50,
*f77
writes:Ok long story short... we started swinging about a year into our marriage. He did tell me, prior to our marriage, he was a swinger in his past relationships but led me to believe he could be happy without it. I am an open minded person so I agreed to participate when he asked. Fast forward 8 years and I am done. I told him I was no longer interested in the lifestyle but he claims it is who he is and it a not fair for me to expect him to stop. Our current arrangement is he continues to go to parties and have physical relations with other women while I refuse to accompany him. Am I being unfair asking my husband to be faithful to me despite the fact that I previously allowed and participated? I really don't want to end our relationship but I'm not going to be able to allow this for much longer. He has made it quite clear he is not willing to give it up.
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female
reader, kf77 +, writes (29 January 2015):
kf77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know all of you have very valid points. I am also aware that I have a very hard choice to make. The only thing I am sure of is that every time he goes out another little piece of my heart gets harder.I guess it's only a matter of time before I won't have any part of me still holding on. I can hope he will see what he is doing to me and stop but I am very aware that is completely unrealistic. I guess it just feels good to speak it and to have my feelings validated. Thanks everyone for your input.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2015): As I understand swinging is when a partner is allowed to have sex with others. If he is not allowed than its cheating. Well, your husband is not allowed anymore, right? Then he is cheating.
Unfortunatelly, he is going to put it ahead of you. Sex is a very powerfull thing, he won't give it up easily. The only consolation you can have that there are no feeling involved. It's just sex, nothing else, that's how he sees it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015): Tell him to keep swinging.
And by the way, you're outta there!
NOBODY should ever have to put up with a husband or BF who cannot be monogamous!
Because for every guy who needs to stick it everywhere there is a guy who WILL NOT!!!
In my book, the guy who WILL NOT is waaaaaay MORE ATTRACTIVE!
Guys just don't get it!!!!!
Women DO NOT LIKE OR RESPECT PIGS!!!!
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (27 January 2015):
He's not cut out for monogamy.
You have a really hard decision to make, I do not believe he is going to stop. You have to decide whether you can live with this behavior.
I couldn't, I love my husband too much. I'd have to get away and try to heal.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2015):
 I don't think you are being unfair, but you ARE being unrealistic.
He LED you to believe that he could be faithful, but that ONLY lasted a year of marriage, so I'm not so sure he LED you, more that you HOPED he would be. THERE is a difference, even if it is subtle.
IS is NOT going to give it up. So there are 3 choices.
1. SUCK it up and stay married and NOT participate.
2. Suck it up and participate.
3. WALK away and divorce.
HIS sex-life, HIS libido is MORE important than ANYTHING else, including you and YOUR feelings, needs and wants. So what is there to keep you in this marriage?
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