A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all! I'd like to introduce myself as a current exchange student in Toronto and I have been here for over 6 months. In 2015 I have found myself without any friends in this city and it's daunting. I have recently overcome an addiction to cocaine and have been sober for 6 weeks now, I do not do any drugs apart from the occasional glass of wine and beer, which I am very proud of myself for. But in order to combat my addiction I had to break away from the group of negative people I called my friends, I attached to these people very quickly because I was in a new country and felt the need to belong in a group. Although I am in a great place now and richer that I do not consume illicit substances or go clubbing every week(my depression and anxiety has minimized considerably), I am lonelier. Over Christmas and New Years, I went on vacation with my boyfriend and a friend from home and it was fantastic, I became normal and happy again, but now they're both back home and I'm stuck in Canada for another 6 months. I distract myself by focusing on my studies, I exercise every day for an hour and a half, signed up for volunteer work in february, I call my mom everyday and I facetime my friends home occasionally... but inbetween I do not have any company for shopping, to get lunch with, coffee... I do all of this on my own everyday and it's painful to see people with friends to talk to about anything, while I silenty study in the coffee shop or eat my lunch by myself in the library. I've been going to more university events (such as talks and exchange student seminars), but social events I'm too nervous to do on my own. I'd love to have someone come with me to get a few cocktails, go iceskating or to the theatre or just to sit down and eat lunch with... but I have no one in this country now. I've not been this physically alone for a long time, but I think having a few nice friends would make my life fantastic... I have everything else set up, apart from friends. I feel I'm missing out and not enjoying my experience in Canada as much as other university students are. I live on my own. What do you recommend I do? Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015): I'm an au pair who's been living abroad for nearly 3 years. I can spend as little as 4 months in one place, and I'm a pretty shy person. It used to take me months to start meeting people, and even longer to find ones I could call friends. These days I can whizz through it all a lot faster, and my confidence has gone right up. It just takes a while to get into it.I would definitely recommend checking out meetup.com, if you never have. You can find expat groups there, which I've always found really useful, but also just meet locals as well. I found some local friends through a "Girls' Days and Nights Out" group. The group goes out for cocktails sometimes, we have dinners together, we go and do touristy things... It's so easy to get involved because everyone was new to the group once, and will be welcoming to new members. Everyone's just there to have fun and socialise.I've also just seen there's a Toronto expats group on Facebook that you could check out if you haven't already. Embrace your expatness! Although university is a big part of your life, if you're not finding friends there I think it's worth looking around to get the socialisation you need. If you want more ideas I can pick my brains a little more :) I spent 3 months being lonely and spending all my time in my room in one of my placements, and I know how much it sucks. Chin up! You can make it better.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (27 January 2015):
 "but social events I'm too nervous to do on my own."You have just answered your own question problem. How are you going to have friends if "I'm too nervous to do on my own."?People are very easy to talk too. I normally have a smile on my face. People believe it or not are attracted to happy people. I could be in the grocery store, coffee shop, gas station, and people will start talking to me out of the blue.If you have a grumpy, sad, or depressed face...they will stay away from you, and leave you alone. I am not saying go around smiling like a idiot. But if you are happy on the inside, it shows on the outside, and people like that.I use to work in downtown Toronto, and made lots of friends...even with the homeless folks :)
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