A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hubby and I are in a happy, loving relationship. We met and married a few years ago. I'm 48 and he's 51 and in the last year or so he's having trouble getting it up. It's partly mental (work stress, financial worries, which he takes very seriously because they are serious) and partly age, I'm sure. I am trying to be understanding. We work and spend all our time together, which we have done from the beginning, and are happy in every other way, so I know it really is just stress and libido issues. My problem is I'm healthy and my needs are significant compared to his. I can't focus on work. I think about sex all the time and am, generally, miserable. He's able to have an erection a few times a month and we are joyful when that happens. He gets morning wood, so I am pretty sure it's not physical. He doesn't watch porn or masturbate. But it seems like he's just kind of given up on his body and says "I'm just getting older." When we mess around and I try and stimulate him, nothing happens except rarely, which leads to our one to two times/month.Problem is, I'm miserable. I love him and miss our intimacy. I'm not willing to give up on it. Is there anything you Cupids know about that I can try to break through this issue?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2017): Are alternative sexual activities an option? Being a bisexual female with a fairly decent sex drive, I've personally managed to date guys with sexual dysfunction or people who haven't a penis at all! I manage to still achieve sexual satisfaction by exploring other ways to get off. Toys, fingers, oral, grinding, fetish play, etc. More foreplay of your preference makes it more orgasmic in my opinion.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your insight. He has no bad habits, (smoking. drinking), but no good ones, either (working out, staying away from foods that mess with hormones, like wheat).
He is willing to do what he needs to, but it is just awkward and embarrassing for him. And, as he told me yesterday, the more time that goes by in between us being intimate, the more he feels like a clock is ticking and a spotlight is on him. :-( So, a blood work up, the health food store (with an actual list so I'm not being sold something I don't need--thanks Garbo!) and the gym (which we both could use).
It is such a relief to be able to ask the question and get practical, helpful answers! Taking note of all of it.
Thank you so much, Cupids!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2017): I agree with WiseOwl and garbos suggestions, especially the one about going to your family doctor and getting a basic check up which includes blood work...My main suggestion is for him to also see a urologist, and get a script for Viagra or Cialis...low dosage...might change your sex life in a very big way...many men swear by ED meds...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2017): Oh, and throw-in too much alcohol and smoking!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2017): He should have his doctor run a few tests and get a prescription for ED. He should also be tested for diabetes.
You must take into account that a man's testosterone-levels start to drop after age 35. Women reach a sexual-peak between 35 and 50; or begin premenopausal change of life.
We all go through hormonal-changes with age. Men don't like addressing erectile-dysfunction. It's embarrassing. Instead they make feasible excuses; and leave you suffering and confused. Some men won't go to the doctor lest you put a gun to his head; or he's rolled into an emergency room.
He's your husband. Have some backbone. Insist he see the doctor to rule-out unchecked medical-causes that haven't been diagnosed. He may also consider better diet and exercise as a daily-regimen, regardless. That is how you increase blood-flow, stamina, and raise your testosterone levels. Adding vitamin supplements should be under a doctor's advice. At 50, and over, men often need to add a daily vitamin-supplement for general health's sake.
Inactivity and poor-health leads to a prematurely low sex-drive. It's not always stress-related.
Like most men, it's cowardice. He's afraid to find out what the cause is. It's not unmanly to see a doctor, it's stupid not to!
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (3 September 2017):
 Insist on getting blood work done on him for PSA, cholesterol and hormones like testosterone, DHEA and others. Stuff like this happens to men due to aging. Their body does not produce these things as when they were young.
Also try supplements. These are aunts in here who will deny and claim that supplements are dangerous and require a doctor so will argue against what I'm about to say, but as a man, and not a woman who argues against, some supplements do help with sex drive. How do I know? Well, I'm a dude and I use them so I know first hand. These women who argue against have no clue what they are talking about.
Anyway, a man requires nitric oxide to keep his penis hard so there are many supplements that can get that going. Also, some will assist in rebuilding his testosterone like zinc, forskoline and lifting heavy weights. This means gym, and lifting weights along with cardio.
As men age they also have more prolactin hormone which tells them to not find things arousing and keeps it limp. Prolactin is released after sex in men but as men age this hormone lingers longer. Look into what can reduce that.
Some men have lower choline levels and choline transmits sexual desire into an organ. Perhaps choline is a good supplement for him. It's also good for brain.
I am saying this because you say he gets morning wood. If so then there is testosterone production. He just needs to build on it. Morning wood also tells me he is not erectile dysfunctional man, but recreationally challenged on hard ons.
Bottom line if this was me, I'd go to a doctor and get all my vitals checked out. Get my blood work and hormone test. If physically healthy, I'd hit vitamin shops and buy arginine, Citrulline, tribulus, choline and l-carnitine then start popping all of them because as my doctor said - the worst that can happen with supplements is you piss them out. Then I'd sign up for gym and start lifting heavy weights. Then I'd run. Meanwhile I'd hope a woman like you would stick around and enjoy the new hard on.
Of course, this is a man speaking and a woman aunt will soon come and start bashing supplements as tho she knows what I'm talking about.
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