A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for fourteen years with 3 young children. My husband recently left me saying he does not love me, has not loved me for years and put up with me only for the children. He says horrible cruel things to me which make me really upset. He then comes round saying he wants to move back in only to be with children. When I say no to this he gets angry, shouts etc then cries how much he misses them. He gives clear messages that he does not want me in his life but then phones to ask how I am and what am I doing. I really want him back but not like this what do I do? There is nobody else involved Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): NO , he said he does not love you and hasn't for a long time and has been cruel to you. You shouldn't have him back until he proves with a dramatic change of behavior that he has become agreeable and that he really does love you. This should take at least one year. Let him cool his heels and see you as a capable woman who can manage on her own and look after herself and her children. Don't give in now, I know how much you would like the way things were before he uttered his misgivings about you but you can't let him forget them or how much they hurt you. In the meantime let him hurt and collect his support payments.In all this you haven't elaborated as to your behavior with him and what it was about it that drove him to be vindictive so we can't address how really guilty he is about him not loving you and being mean to you.
A
female
reader, Soon2B_PPD  +, writes (28 November 2009):
Well he clearly jus wants the kids. And at the end of the day you are their mother. So why not ask about you. He does love you but he isn't n love with you. You can't make him want to be with you. Let them visit him or something. But to have a man live with you who doesn't love you and you love him will only be a detriment to you and possibly your children. To be frank, its over. Now figure out how to make things work in the best interest of the kids. you have to put you feeling aside.
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