A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In my thirties now, I feel I'll always be connected to a friend of mine who was a quick love 4 years ago. We remain friends and sometimes we see each other. He's a good man, but when he's with a new relationship I feel devastated; he broke up with me in those years but I couldn't move on, he's a special guy to me. One thing I won't do ever is tell him my feelings. I did once and he broke my soul. Should I get away from him? How does one change what one feels?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): MOVE ON! Girl, I am in my thirties also and it is not the end of the world. I've had countless horrid relationships and yes, some ex's are friends of mine but I am only friends with them because they are a friend and not someone I am infatuated with.You don't need a friend like that in your life. It's eating you up and he's not worth the emotional turmoil in your heart. Go on with your life. Let me share my story with you. I basically gave up about finding anyone because here I was, in my thirties and single with no kids. Then out of the blue, I met a younger man, like 8 years younger. He cares about ME. He focuses on ME. So, don't dispair. Just be patient. Work on improving yourself, like do yoga and read. Find a hobby. The right man will come along. Move on, dear. Move on.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 One can't change how one feels and deep feelings of attachment and love are the hardest to change of all.
Staying friends with an ex is always very difficult if you retain feelings. It's like standing at a window watching what you most desire and knowing you can never have it. There comes a point when logic has to take over and you have to accept that you must move on (not easy when your faced with the unknown or loneliness or thinking you will never find anyone else who compares to him). Telling him your feelings once and him breaking your soul is not a good sign. If he hurt you that much, then it's probably going to happen again and again if you let it.
The friendship hasn't made a difference to him, he is still dating and having fun. Shut the door on him, lock it and throw away the key. Until you find the strength to truly walk away you cannot begin to change your feelings.
Best of luck sweetie and I hope you find the strength.
Aunty Em xxx
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