A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In the few months leading up to the first date with my now current girlfriend, she was jerking me around quite a bit. she was getting over a relationship, and would get close to me then push me away and back and forth like this for quite some time before we actually started dating.In the few weeks before we started dating for real, she told me she was finally ready for a relationship, and we started hooking up more intimately and regularly. we have now been dating over 13 months and currently live together.However, three weeks ago she told me that during those few weeks before we started dating, those three weeks we started sleeping together, she went on a blind date with a guy and slept with him that night. they were supposed to meet at a bar for date #2 but he didn't make it for some reason and apologized and wanted to see her again. she did not, and chose to date me instead.Now, I know when she saw him she had every right too, we hadn't started dating yet, but hearing this made me REALLY upset. I tried for months to win her over and gave her the respect and time she wished for, yet she slept with a stranger on their first date, AFTER she told me she was ready for a relationship with ME and she slept with him while we were sleeping together. I feel like if that guy showed up for date #2 she would never have chose to date me. I think she got scared (having just gotten over a break up) and decided to go with someone she could depend on, like me.I'm upset, and I really want to tell her how i feel about this, but can I? after 13 months, is it too late to talk about it even though she just told me? my issues with her past is a sensitive issue with her but it really hurts the way I was treated before we started dating, and to think that I was there for her and cared for her for so long and she jumped into the sack with this guy after just meeting him. UGH!help!! I need some advice on this one. thanks ahead!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate all the advice, and agree with it.
i'd really like to just forget it, but i can't.
i wish i could just it explain how i feel about it without her getting defensive and upset, which she is not good at doing.
i just don't know if i can be in this relationship long-term knowing i was the "safe bet", that i was settled for.
she told me honestly that she was deciding between the two of us which to pursue dating, and she chose me because "she could depend on me".
now, i love that she knows she can depend on me. but that's not exactly the reason i wanted our relationship to start. i dunno, i'm just confused.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate all the advice, and agree with it.i'd really like to just forget it, but i can't. i wish i could just it explain how i feel about it without her getting defensive and upset, which she is not good at doing. i just don't know if i can be in this relationship long-term knowing i was the "safe bet", that i was settled for.she told me honestly that she was deciding between the two of us which to pursue dating, and she chose me because "she could depend on me".now, i love that she knows she can depend on me. but that's not exactly the reason i wanted our relationship to start. i dunno, i'm just confused.
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A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (3 November 2008):
 It's never too late to talk about something if it's bothering you this much. Keep it light hearted.When you break up with someone it normally knocks most peoples confidence and if she was really hurt she proabably wasn't thinking straight and wanted some comfort and reasurance, which could be why she slept with him, also it was before she was dating you so she doesn't really have to explain to you why, you just need to learn to accept it.Talk to her, but remember she was honest enough and trusted you enough to tell you, also she did choose you and she must be happy with you to still be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): Wow thirteen months, and she's just telling you this now?A lot of people like to talk about double standards, but if the tables were turned and you did this to her, I guarantee you she'd call you a pig and feel betrayed. Whether or not what she did was technically wrong. Every action has a consequence, and she's old enough to know that. She had the right to do this, but you still have the right to feel hurt and disrespected. The way I see it. You can chose to get over it and continue to be with her. Or you can walk away and find someone who has more respect for you as well as herself. However, since this happened before you were exclusively dating, you don't have the right to continually hang this over her head. Either get over this or walk away.
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