A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, thanks for taking the time to read!I've been friends with this girl for about a year and lately I've been wanting to get into a proper relationship with her, and thinking maybe she wanted it too. We've been seeing a lot of each other recently, in a friendly way, but there were some signs she might have been interested in us being together. The times we'd meet up, it would just be me and her. We get on so well, and she's always giving me complements, from my looks, the way I dress, how well we get on, what great conversation we have, and she was getting quite touchy, like nothing sexual, but just touching my arm, face a lot in a kind of casual, friendly manner (but it's just what I do when I like someone and I want an excuse to touch them). A few people have mistakenly thought we were boy/girlfriend to each other (and then she makes a point of mentioning this to me!). And another thing she had been doing recently was commenting on how rotten her ex was, how he wouldn't do this or that, wasn't this or that enough, usually in direct contrast to the things shed say about me. So anyway, to cut to the chase, I found out the other day that she was in my town, without having told me she was coming. I texted her asking what she was doing here, why didn't she tell me, even if she didn't want to meet up I would have understood etc, and she said she's seeing 'a friend'. Now since practically the only person she knows here is her ex-boyfriend, I assume she's getting back with him, and didn't want to tell me. What I want to know is, how the hell did that happen when she had been talking ill of him literally the day before? What should I do? I really, really like her and can see us being so right for each other, and don't understand what the problem is - of she likes the way I look and my company, and if her ex is as rotten as she says he is, then why has she done this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Thanks so much for your replies. I appreciate the time you took to write them. I've decided to give her a bit of space and not contact her for a while. Maybe if things go badly with her ex (almost certainly, it's happenned before!) she'll get back to me, realise what she's lost, and finally decide on happiness instead of misery!
In response to the rebound question, yeah, maybe, but probably only in an emotional sense, since we have never got intimate physically.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Chemistry. It all comes down to that I'm afraid. Either you have it or you don't. If you don't it's nobody's fault - it just is what it is and there's no point trying to "fix" it. I think from the sound of everything, you and this girl in fact have some chemistry, and I think she likes you, but she may still not be over the ex - or - she may be over him and is wondering why you had never asked her out. I think it was inappropriate for you to have texted her and demanded to know why she had not told you about her visit to your town. She owes you no explanation because you are at this point just friends. You don't want to scare her off or make her think you are too possessive.What you need to do now is call her and apologize for being intrusive. Do this only if you agree with my perspective, because an apology must always be sincere. If she accepts your apology, be glad and end that call and wait until the next time you see her in person, and then ask her out on a date, that of course is unless you she tells you first that she has reunited with her ex. If she is still available, and you do ask her for the date, you may get rejected, but you will never know unless your take the chance. If you don't ask her out you will never know if she is the "one". I have no idea if she will respond as you wish, but if you ask her out and she declines, you will have won her respect for having had the courage to ask and for putting an end to the game playing and mystery. You will know where you stand which is a much more comfortable place no matter what answer she gives. If she says yes, that would be a lovely idea, you will be happy for having made the effort. Be honest with your intentions and feel no shame whatsoever for expressing them directly to her. I really hope it works out the way you are wishing it to and I hope you will let me know.Good luck!:)From a Canadian friend.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (7 April 2009):
Its not for sure shes seeing her ex so dont jump to quickly. You could either wait for her to get into contact again or you could go for the first move and ring her and arrange to meet? From what you've said her actions could well lead to flirtatious manner yet shes now gone quite shy and doesn't know how to handle the situation.Be honest with her, next time you meet up tell her your unaware of her current situation but you see a future with her, don't scare her just be honest about how you feel best of luck
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A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Sometimes it is hard to let go of the past no matter how good or bad the past actually is. She could be looking at it through rose colored glasses. I believe that she may like you but she still is attached to the "evil" ex. How long has it been since she and her ex broke it off because to me personally it sounds like it might be possible that you were the rebound guy?
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