A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I met my wife back in high school and we got together the first summer of college 20 years ago. We slept together before we got together that summer and I knew she had had an encounter with a friend of mine after we slept together but before we became a couple. As soon as we got together I asked her about what happened and she denied sleeping with him. 10 years later we attended a High School reunion and my old friend who she claimed she didnt sleep with was there. My wife was very cordial to him as was I ...not suspecting anything had happened in the past that was too significant. Well he acted very awkward and I our eyes met a couple of times and I could tell he felt very uncomfortable. So i asked my wife again...did you sleep with him? The answer she gave me was no. Fast forward another 10 years and his name came up in conversation with some friends and I looked at her and she looked very pensive all of a sudden. I picked up on this and asked her again about her and my old friend. Well this time she admitted it...sort of. She said she thought that she had but couldn't remember what happened as she was wasted drunk. It slowly came back that she had just a flashback of him being on top of her and thinking to herself how did this happen? I remember seeing her the day after and the people who had been there saying that they were all super drunk.I'm having 2 big issues with this.1. she lied repeatedly about it and had sex with one more person than I did in college ...I though we were equal in that regard.2. she acted like she was real pleased to see him at the reunion. This was the first time since the one-nighter that she lied about and I dont think she should act like she's happy about for Christ's sake, she gave away the whole thing and never freaking talked to the guy again. Pretty pitiful particularly since he kind of took advantage of the situation.This has led to lots of fighting and angst and also revealed that she also made out with another guy while we dated.I'm confused and feel humiliated that I knew the guys and he slept with my wife so easily and my wife was nice to him at the reunion. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): I think what is really bugging u is this: what else has she lied about in your marriage.
U are starting to question the foundation of your marriage. Has she been a faithful wife? Did she have any affairs (that u know of)
How does she explain her so called one night stand? He looked awkward yet she was pleased/friendly to him?? What are they/ she hiding?
Does she understand why u are hurt? Does she understand the magnitude of her behaviour?
Is this a marriage breaker, her lies? How do u move on? Has she expressed remorse/guilt at her lies?
What are u facing exactly now? Your difficult questions need some truthful answers.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (30 November 2010):
if she didnt cheat on you after you've become a couple
and you feel secure about her faithfulness now
why bother about her past ??
most women dont tell the full truth about thier sexual past
and we dont live in the past my friend
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): You need to let this go, it, if it did, happened a long time ago. You and your wife obviously love each other (as you've been together over 20 years). Ever thought the reason she never told you is because she can't actually remember and she never thought they'd be any point in telling you something that was at risk of hurting your feelings?
I'm surprised that man even did feel 'uncomfortable'. It happened 10 years ago at the time you all met up for this reunion didn't it? Surely he's got his own life now, girlfriend/wife, perhaps kids.
I know you love your wife, but this is just a little silly. If you looked at it in my position it looks like you ARE still in high school explaining this situation.
And the same goes to her kissing someone else while you were dating. That is also, a long time ago and something you need to forget. You were young, you're now grown adults and MARRIED. Live your lives, forget and forgive, and be happy :)
Also, if you don't want to go to the reunion because of this man, DON'T GO.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Hey sage old guy.thanks for your reply if we had both fooled around in college that'd be just fine. I didn't and I found out much later she had in one night stand.if I didnt know/have to see this guy it'd be no sweat but I do and it sucks.the overlap with our sex life stinks also.she should have told me years before. Her cheating on me while we dated didn't help either. Some atonement ....ie not acting thrilled about your smutty night with my buddy would be nice also.I VALUE honesty in a relationship. Imagine that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Hi I asked the question.An additional frustration is that I might have to see this guy at reunions(small High school) at some point and I know I'll feel humiliated again by the situation. I feel like my wife should somehow let him know that she was unhappy about what happened..and was stupid drunk...that would solve a lot of this. Not sure the best way for her to do this.
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