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female
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*nn
writes: I have been married for almost 2 years and have a baby. When we first got together our sex life was great and we both was happy with each other. Now we don't have sex very much any more. It went from every day to once a week if I am luck. When I tell him I want to have sex he tells me he is too tired or he gots a headache etc... When he wants to have sex I got to drop what I am doing to do that and if I am sleeping he wakes me up. He tells me I don't pleasure him no more and that I don't look good to him no more and I need to lose some weight. I only weigh 135 and that is my normal waight. He always wants to spend his time at work, even on his days off and does not like to go or do anything with me or his son and I tried to talk to him about it but he tells me he don't want to hear it and he always thinks I am griping at him so I never get anything across to him. What do I do? I need lots of help here. I am just stuck. Please help me the best you can I am just out of options.
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female
reader, kiwidew69 +, writes (12 December 2005):
Hello there!I am a 22 y/o female.Hubby is 24..we have been together 6 years..married 2 years.No children.I too am about 135 5'6".I do not know that I would say "leave him".That is a serious move to make ...and also the child is the one who would be hurt the most. Is your man a good provider? My hubby is same way...we have been having sex for about 5 years now...he was a virgin ...wasnt. Our sex was GREAT untill we moved out and then got married a few months later.Now he always says he too is tired..but if he wants it by golly look out....he will get it!I am not sure what to tell you to do...the previous person said ...go to counceling...but my hubby refuses..he says if we can't work out our problems on our on..then we shouldnt be married??But I have brought up divorce and he refuses....we have went through this for about a year now..which had led to me having panic attacks because of it...if you would like to talk...please email me [email address blocked]... I would love to talk to someone in the same boat as I am..Maybe we could help each other out!!!Thank you and good luck :-)
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 August 2005):
 Looks to me like you appear to be banging your head against a brick wall with your hubby. He wants everything his own way and has become selfish and uncaring of your needs for both intimacy and for simply spending quality time together. What is making it harder still is his refusal to talk about what the problem is. Have you tried asking him the point in you both being together? I know that is forthright but his lack of interest is far from conducive to a having a happy relationship.
Have you considered couples counselling? Would he go? Would he want to make the effort?
Some of the things he says to you are nasty and disrespectful and strike me as being a cover up for something else. He is just using the situation with you to benefit himself and unless he talks to you, I think you should give him an ultimatum. After all, what choice do you have? He has a son also that he isn't bothering with.
Either he is suffering from depression, which he can get help for, or his apathy towards you and his son is going to cause a split. This is what you could say to him. It really is a case of shape up or ship out. You deserve better than this treatment and unless he is prepared to put some effort into the marriage, you are going to continue to be unhappy.
If you can't get him to tell you what is on his mind (try asking him in a tactful way, such as saying how upset this is making you feel, pointing out that he has a son to think of too) and he won't go to the doctors or couples counselling, I think you will have to seriously consider leaving him. I'm sorry to have to say this but sometimes, there isn't anything further you can do.
I wish you well.
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