A
female
age
41-50,
*hammy
writes:My hubby has always been gorgeouse-well almost. We dated when we were young, and for a few years he was in an unhappy relationship and he gained about 20 kilos so it totally changed his looks. He blamed his ex girlfriends pregnancy and the fact that she didn't cook for him so he had to eat take-out (this was true-she was very lazy) and he lost most of the weight trying to gain me back.When we first got together the weight fell off so that he was healthy and fit again, but now that I'm pregnant, he's starting to pile it all back on. I still cook healthy which he loves, buy him slim drinks, and he has a gym set-up-but he won't work out or diet even though he KNOWS he has a problem. He's very vain, so every time we have to go out he throws tantrums that nothing fits and vows to lose weight-then twenty seconds later he's ordering extra cheese and bacon on his sub sandwich. I'm not as sexually attracted to him anymore, because of his weight and my pregnancy-it actually hurts to have him on top of me now, and the scariest thing is that he's smoking two packs of ciggies a day, which he's got to try and quit.The problem is that he's a very hard worker (a labourer) with very strong arms and he does long days so at the end of the day he's always tired and makes me feel bad for pushing him to work out. He thinks his job ought to burn off more weight but I think he's been doing it for so long that he's used to it and needs to step it up. He wouldn't work out yesterday because he had a headache (probably the ciggies) and he forgets to take the lunches I pre-cook and freeze for him because he's too tired at six a.m to remember...there's just an excuse for everything.He's a wonderful man besides all of this but I'm feeling resentful because he's very into my looks too. I was a very active person before (size 0 U.S) and have only gained about 5 kilos at 6 months pregnant which is barely anything, and I know I've got that inner willpower to burn it all off after. It'll probably fall off me in a month. But he has a slow metabolism and with the laziness....I'm worried. In fact, this weekend I've been downright blunt about it and he tells me I've offended him and that he 'knows' there's a serious problem and he hates himself-but I'm running out of patience. He's only 25 years old.
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female
reader, shammy +, writes (1 April 2009):
shammy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is no chance that I would leave him for being overweight. That's horrible and I'm not so shallow as to throw away a wonderful happy marriage when I'm 7 months pregnant because he got chubby.After all, he was about this size when I agreed to start dating him 3 years ago.My main concern is his health. I've had him tested for diabetes and I haven't worried about the thyroid thing yet because he's only gained about 3 sizes.I just know that weight gain is a slippery slope that's really difficult for some people to come back from once they start and I don't want it happening to him. And if he takes so much pride in my appearance and demands sex around the clock then I think the least he can do for the sake of romance is to look after himself, especially as it shouldn't be that hard for a healthy, active 25 year old man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): Ask a nutritionist....weight loss is calories in calories out/burned....counting fat grams alone is not enough....just reduce the amount of calories daily and get some excercise and in time it will come off....it won't happen in a day, it took months to put it on, it will take months to take it off.
You sound like you will leave your husband if he doesn't lose the weight, don't you imagine he can sense that and is stressed out about it, not to mention angry....he is an emotional eater.
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A
female
reader, shammy +, writes (1 April 2009):
shammy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually we live in Australia so it's about to get cold and unfortunately his sexual desire hasn't budged an inch. He's a Scorpio so he's insatiable, I guess about everything.Anyway he got so pissy with me for the way I acted on the weekend that he came home with salads and worked out for an hour....to make me feel bad I guess. I apologized for being bitchy and he seems mollified now, but I still know that if I don't keep on him he will lose resolve. We've been through this three or four times already.Yes he does have additional stress-some financial but nothing bad....but the main problem seems to be that he gets tired out too easily now, but only since he gained the weight back. He's a completely different guy when he's three sizes smaller.It's hard for me to empathize because I've always been so active that weight has never been an issue for me-and it never had been for him until he gained all the weight during his ex's pregnancy at 21. Are people more prone to obesity if they've already had a bad run before than those they stay constant? Either way, he didn't lose the weight last time until a year and a half after his daughter was born and that was only because he was desperate to win me back. Counting calories doesn't seem to help-with hubby the weight only falls off when he reduces fat grams and gets active.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Well, nagging him is not going to work and it is going to make him even more resistant.
The key to losing weight is to control calories and eat a set amount every day from a blanced diet. There are some free web sites that you can use to track calories and to help determine what the nutritional value of various foods are. Weighing your food to get the portions right is helpful as well.
His job sounds active, so he is right, he may not need to do a traditional work out at least not every day....so calorie control is key. People do not realize how many calories they are actually consuming in a day, or what foods are high in calories and what foods would be a better choice.
Once you start writing it down, it is easier to control, you can't change something that you don't acknowledge.
So sit down with him and set up a plan for how many calories he needs in a day, I'm thinking about 1500 would be enough for him. And then set up an on line account to keep track of what he's eaten....like calorieking.com for instance, there may be a better one I don't know.
As far as smoking cigarettes that will kill him too, but quitting may cause him to gain weight as a lot of smokers substitute food for the cigs.
Is he stressed out about something other than his weight?
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A
male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 First off, men tend to immulate what there girlfriend/wife is going through. It's not on purpose either. You are pregnant and probably a little miserable and feeling fat. So he is miserable and fat. It happens in life. He probably will drop most of his weight after you give birth. In these cases it's mostly psychological and you two should really just focus on getting ready for the baby. So he is not as apealing to you as he used to be right now. You are not to him right now. But does that mean you don't love him anymore? Of course not. Hopefully you and he can be a little more supportive of each other. Talk everyday about how things are. Don't stop telling him you love him. Ask how else you can help. I think if you both stay positive you can get past this after the baby is born.
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