A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can I tell someone that I've only dated a few months and had s?? with only once (recently) that I've been diagnosed mild dyskaryosis? I've been seeing him 6 months. It takes me ages to trust and get to know someone before I get intimate with them.I've had the treatment (LLETZ), about 2 weeks ago. My biopsy results showed that the abnormal cells were removed and that HPV was present.I've not had many sexual partners (3), I'm 34 years old. This has all come as a shock to me. I've never had any issues with abnormal cells before.Really upset right now, I've told my boyfriend that I can't sleep with him for a month and I think he took it the wrong way. GP said to refrain from s?? so I can heal. I've not told him about the abnormal cells or treatment.Not sure what he's thinking. So confused and depressed. What would a guy think if his girlfriend suddenly turned around and told him no sex for a month? Andhow would a guy feel about his girlfriend with this health problem?Any helpful answers will be appreciated.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Ah yes I get that computers would be stupid… Understood.. apology extended to you.
HPV is SO COMMON that I can’t even imagine he would think bad of it… I swear it’s like the common cold of STDs. In fact, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as an STD as even women with ONE partner can get it… That doesn’t make you a slut or a tramp in any way. I made sure my step daughter got the HPV vaccine here when it became available. Now they want teen boys to have it too since they get it and spread it around. Perhaps HE gave it to you… who knows… doesn’t really matter truthfully.
I was very very very sexually active from age 14 up… multiple partners and I still was over 20 years past that before I showed my first signs of “cells CONSISTENT with HPV”… that’s how they phrase it. I’ve had it twice… I know a woman who with ONE partner has had it…
I personally think that maybe the incessant pounding the cervix takes during sex causes the damage sometimes…
YOU MUST tell him… not that you SHOULD…. This is a man you are INTIMATE with…. He has a right to know. He has a NEED to know. He may totally step up to the plate and be totally supportive.
My current partner went through it with his last serious partner… but she never explained it well to him, I was able to piece together what he’s told me about it and figure it out…
The recovery from my LEEP was long and HORRID… 6 weeks of gunk and panty liners and ‘don’t touch me I smell funny and I’m dropping chunks of “charcoal” out of my hoo-haw” YUCK… of course you don’t feel attractive or sexual… BUT if you tell him what’s going on (and you MUST or he will think even worse things than what’s really going on) you may find him to be accepting and loving and in a few weeks you may want to be close to him again…
This is NOT a statement about your worthiness, your attractiveness or your ability to be loved or love…
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you person12345, really grateful for your advice.
So_Very_Confused
Yes it's the same as the LEEP procedure. Apologies not sure why the question marks have appeared. I have no issues with saying or spelling the word sex... lol. I think my computer went a little mad.
I'm just worried he may think bad of HPV and that I've been sleeping around. I personally had no knowledge of HPV until this has come about. As my ex partner was a cheat I had no choice but to go and get myself checked out for the first time for any STD's but even then there was no mention of it. I'm guessing like you say it's very common and there is no point in testing for it.
I should just tell him but I'm finding it very difficult to deal with.
Yes you're right I may feel frisky and give him a blowjob, but because this has affected my self esteem I don't feel attractive and probably won't feel like doing anything sexual. I certainly have no interest in sex at the moment.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 February 2012):
I am assuming that the LLETZ is similar to our LEEP procedure where they burn the abnormal (consistent with HPV) cells off the cervix… I’ve had this TWICE.. the first time I was around your age… it’s pretty unnerving but it’s a good thing that it was caught early… I have read that fully 80% or higher of women in my age group (I’m in my 50s) have HPV… they didn’t know so much about it back when I was younger…
You use “s??” to indicate sex… are you that uncomfortable with the normal adult behaviors of a couple that you can’t even write the word sex out???
Why can’t you tell him you had an abnormal pap smear and were treated for the abnormal cells and are healing from the treatment… it takes weeks… for me it was at least 6 weeks to heal… YOU REALLY MUST TELL HIM THE REASON or he will think it's something he did wrong.
I’ve never had any partner be angry or upset with me for having to refrain from intercourse for a period of time due to medical issues…. Besides in a few weeks you may feel frisky and want to give him a blow job and he will probably love that… and then there’s the whole “cuddle me” thing… my partner now would be happy with a cuddle and a kiss as I healed…
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Why wouldn't you just tell him you had an abnormal pap smear and that you had to have a procedure done? Of course he's going to take it the wrong way if you don't give him a reason. There's nothing embarrassing about having an abnormal pap smear.
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