A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To cut a long story short, I fell in love with my best friend, I'm male, she's female, we're both 26. She has suffered from low self esteem and depression for some time now and has major problems with her appearance (all in her head as she's really pretty). I knew she didn't want a relationship with anyone, as she has been single through her choice for a couple of years but I decided to confess my feelings to her. I thought at least it may help her low self esteem if she realises I like her. So I told her and she took it really well (I don't think she really believes how much I feel for her though), no awkwardness etc and I asked if she would see me as a potential future boyfriend when she felt ready to date and she said yes... but that's only a word. Since I told her, I have started acting more like a boyfriend than a friend. I call her my girlfriend when we are out, I'll hold her hand, find any excuse to give her a kiss, hug her, basically we are just very cosy.. people say we are boyfriend/girlfriend without the title. I guess what I'm saying is if you were in her position and someone kept holding your hand, referring to you as his partner etc, kissing, and you really did not see the person in that way, surely you would put the person straight and not let it continue... ok so my friends all tell me it's going to happen, but I guess I'm just lacking in confidence but I'm interested in people's opinions and how they would react if they were in this girl's position.
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best friend, confidence, fell in love, kissing, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, atomsmasher  +, writes (7 June 2010):
First mistake was telling her how you feel. You killed any challenge and mystery, and didn't let her earn it. You say you are looking out for her self-esteem, but no one buys that.
Next mistake is trying to assume the role of her boyfriend, when she is not reciprocating and making things unclear. Trust me, this girl is 10x smarter than you, and this is by design. She is going to see how much she can twist you by flirting with other guys in front of you, so get ready for it.
If you want this girl to like you, don't call her ever again. Next time she calls you, tell her you've got something you need to take care of, but you'll call her back and work something out with her. Then, three or four days later call her back.
But I already know the story. She has low self esteem, which translates into lots of sex with bad boys, which translates to you as an opportunity because you are the "good guy." She doesn't want a good guy.
REMEMBER THIS ONE RULE WHEN YOU ARE HEAD OVER HEELS. The attraction you feel for the girl is the attraction that she wants to feel FOR YOU. You have to make that happen by creating space and mystery. But, your tale is a long told one. As it plays itself out, you're going to learn real quick how much of a nice guy you are...
A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 I don't know what I'd do in her position. I think your question is geared toward discovering what she really feels for you, but nobody on here can do that for you. Talk to her, and ask her where she wants to take things. If you want to be with her, tell her, right?
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