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How would you feel if your boyfriend had several female friends calling him throughout the day?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

How would you feel if your boyfriend had several female friends calling him throughout the day?

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A female reader, Laydee V United Kingdom +, writes (10 September 2007):

I'd get jealous.. I mean if there only friends then it's ok i suppose but not to ring all the time.. sit down and speak to him and tell him how u feel and say u want to spend more time together but u cant because of the phone calls x

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A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (10 September 2007):

Sorry if it seems like I am responding to other people's responses, but hopefully it helps out the original person to ask the question, but to this "Um does your dad or mom have tons of friends of the opposite sex while they were married?? Yeah. I didn't think so." I can say not TONS, but fair amounts. So what? There's trust going on. It's all about the trust. Male, female, friends are friends. You're not in the right to have someone cut their friends out of their life just because of the gender. Although it could change things a bit if it is only females calling him. Do you have any reason to suspect they're just booty call related? You sound like you're right there when the calls happen, what is he like on the phone with them? Don't judge it because the calls come, judge the actions.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007):

If we weren't boyfriend girlfriend I probably wouldn't care. But if he was my BOYFRIEND I would not like that at all (with a few exceptions. As in if I knew the girl. And sometimes it depends on the person and how your relationship is.)

And to the people below who say it is ok. Um does your dad or mom have tons of friends of the opposite sex while they were married?? Yeah. I didn't think so.

Of course it is inappropriate. If you don't know these women and you are uncomfortable with it then something's wrong.

Oh and men are JUST AS TERRITORIAL. Probably even more. At least in my experience. So please don't try to make it seem like this is solely a female perspective. Because it ABSOLUTELY IS NOT. It's totally transgender and completely HUMAN.

Look it. I have dated ALL TYPES of guys. From athletes (surfers) to musicians (yes famous) to ordinary 9 to 5 guys. From drop dead good looking to 'what the f*ck was I thinking.' ALL GUYS I have dated are just as territorial. I guarantee you.

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A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (9 September 2007):

Here's the thing, and responding directly to Sweet-thing in this as well, yeah, women can be very territorial. Men can understand this, but some of you women have to understand that men are allowed to have female friends and you have no right to stop him from talking to or hanging out with them unless he is indeed doing inappropriate things with them. If it isn't taking a reasonable amount of time away from your time with him, well, too bad. You've got the issue, not him.

It is the same if you have a lot of male friends. He's got no right to say you can't talk to them or hang out as long as you're not cheating or ditching him to see them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007):

It is up to him to place boundaries on how often his female friends call. If you are uncomfortable with this, he needs to respect that. However, it would be wise not to make him choose between you anf them. Instead, get to know them. Find time when you can socialize with them without your boyfriend so that you can get to know them and they can get to know you, on your own terms

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (9 September 2007):

Sweet-thing agony auntI would hate it!! Women are very territorial. Why don't men understand this? I don't know how long you've been seeing this man, but maybe it's time to talk about boundaries, and exclusiveness. I am battling the same thing in my relationship, but in my case, my b/f is friends with all his ex-girlfriends and they always call him asking for favors and telling him their problem. I can't stand it. He knows how I feel, but he seems to not be able to cut the ties with any of them. Luckily they don't call very often (not daily at least) but it still drives me nuts that he can still be so "supportive" to an ex!

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (9 September 2007):

I'd be pretty jealous!!! I think most people would. It would take an EXSTREMELY confident person who is truly happy with themselvs to not get jealous, as well as no hints that there is anything more to the friendships.

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