A
female
age
41-50,
*isdeeds
writes:My boyfriend has an issue with double standards in our relationship. He feels like he can do and say things to me but if I reciprocate the same behavior he has a fit! I'm getting a little tired of it, it's killing our relationship. How would you handle someone who when they're wrong and you call them on it, they get angry? They stop talking and won't answer your calls or text messages. This is driving a huge wedge for me. Any suggestions...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 January 2013):
 I would consider ending the relationship. He's not going to change and you can't fix him.
My hubby is like this... when I get mad at him for being "stupid" about something I have learned not to confront him he can't take criticism at all.
I tend to just get very quiet and let it blow over and accept that he is the way he is... I married him knowing this and I can manage... but since you are young and not married to him I'm going to encourage you to end the relationship and find an adult who can handle criticism.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 "Best of all, he is aware of this double standard and isn't ashamed of it. MEN! Please tell us why this happens!"
Think I speak for most MEN in that we do not do this sulking business otherwise we would not be MEN but BOYS. Then again, I don't have double standards.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (3 January 2013):
"My boyfriend has an issue with double standards in our relationship. He feels like he can do and say things to me but if I reciprocate the same behavior he has a fit!"
What kind of behaviour are we talking about here?
"I'm getting a little tired of it, it's killing our relationship. How would you handle someone who when they're wrong and you call them on it, they get angry? They stop talking and won't answer your calls or text messages".
This doesn't sound like a relationship at all. Sounds like a child to me.
"You keep calling him out on it despite him getting angry. He has learned that if he shows anger you will shut up so you mustn't."
This is very dangerous. This could escalate out of control. I certainly WOULD NEVER advise doing that. Just let him go and sulk. Don't contact him at all unless you were in the wrong. When he's in the wrong you can't give in or he'll just keep doing it. How long has this been going on?
"I'll suggest to STOP chasing him, like it seems you're doing with calling and texting everytime he has a episode... Let him cross his arms and stomp his feet and act like a spoilt child in the supermarket, because he want's the attention, and he want's you to make the first move so he is victorious in whatever arguement you have."
I agree with this one. Just leave him to calm down and keep yourself busy. Personally though, if the guy acts this way he isn't a man, he's a boy, and I would wonder why you're even with him to be honest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): *see.
Karlos needs to wake up a bit this morning I think lol.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Yes, just play him at his own game. Every time he acts up, you act like a child and ignore him and he how he likes it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): I would handle it in the following way. If i called them out on something and they became angry, I would terminate the conversation. I would text them and say they are being unreasonable because of X and Y. I would explain that I will not be in touch again until they apologise for their angry outburst and agree to talk things through with me like an adult. And that would be that.
They would either get in touch or not. I would repeat that procedure until they either got fed up with losing their temper or fed up with apologising and stopped contacting me altogether. Either way would work for me.
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A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire +, writes (3 January 2013):
 He is stubborn. Let him know how you feel, tell him everything you've written here, you can't expect someone to just know how their actions are affecting you.
You also can't expect someone to change their destructive behaviour if they don't know its destroying something.
I'll suggest to STOP chasing him, like it seems you're doing with calling and texting everytime he has a episode.
Let him cross his arms and stomp his feet and act like a spoilt child in the supermarket, because he want's the attention, and he want's you to make the first move so he is victorious in whatever arguement you have.
Let him soak in his own immaturity, and he'll soon come back to you with his tail between his legs.
Good luck.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): You keep calling him out on it despite him getting angry. He has learned that if he shows anger you will shut up so you mustn't. You shouldn't get mad back or that just goes nowhere But you shouldn't let him off he hook either just cos he gets angry.Then when he is not angry and there is no conflict going on and things are going well, that's when you initiate a calm and objective discussion with him about his hurtful behavior and how it makes you feel less close to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): I feel you because I am experiencing something like that too. My boyfriend blames me for everything but when I tell him off, he barks back and said I am not understanding. Best of all, he is aware of this double standard and isn't ashamed of it. MEN! Please tell us why this happens!
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