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female
,
anonymous
writes: If a guy says that he's not going to go behind your back to look at porn, will he keep his promise? What are some signs of them looking at it behind your back?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): I am having the same problem with my husband. Its a little harsh when someone promises you something then they do it again behind your back. He tried to be sleek at earseing the history on the computer and so on. What he forgot to do is earse the cookies. So I caught him, sometimes I feel like a push over. So its true trust your gut intinct. It 80 percent right.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 how long is a piece of string? who can ever predict another person's behaviour. He might he might not!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): i had that situation with my bf, i caught him looking at porn i expressed how upset i was about it because one day his telling me that he has got little sex drive and thats why we have not been having sex and then a couple of days later i catch him looking at porn and i asked why he was loking at it he said its because he has a higher sex drive then me blah blah blah. anyways he said sorry so i asumed that ment he would not look at it anymore but instead he kept looking at it but just hid it better for example instead of downloading it off the internet he went to our local video store and took out a fake membership to hire adult films,instead of leaving his box of porn magz in his study instead he put it al in a new box and hid it in the garage,anyway i just gave up after that because i was so hurt that he has lied to me, you can find out if he is still looking at it, just look abit harder and trust me you will find something, and dont feel bad about looking for it trust me i felt bad too at first but i was so glad i did because not only was the guy i was dating looking at porn but i also found out he was having an inapropriate relationship with another women, so dont be afraid to trust you gut instinct because its probably right.
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (26 January 2006):
 sorry i meant to put that i couldnt leave my guy even though i DIDNT trust him (makes more sense now , hehe)
but i wanted to add that looking at porn like suorpio said is not going behind someones back but ONLY if that person knows about it, if they dont know, or they have asked them to stop and it carrys on secretly, they are going behind you back.
when one partner uses porn it impacts on both people involved in the relationship and both people have to be sound with it for it to be ok
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (26 January 2006):
the thing about this is , its so easy to lie to someone who truley wants to believe what you are saying!
if you get doubts and he does things like, flicking the computor off when you walk in or things he says dont quite add up or if you turn up unexpectedly he runs around looking guilty maybe shifting cushions or throws for no reason( to cover it),
i cant say specically about the porn as i havent really been with men who are interested in to have to catch them out, my take on it is, i dont like it so if i start seeing a bloke who blatently into it then i dont expect him to change or me to put up with the hurt i just leave before it gets heavy that way its fairer on everyone. but if you feel you can cope with it or want to give him the chance to change, the best advice i can give you is that if you are trying to detect when the one you love is lying to you, dont take it for granted that when you think you might of just caught him out when he quickly comes up with some excuse that just dont sit right that he is telling you the truth just because you want to believe he is. my guy was the master at the art of lying to me and i always believed him till hard evidence was pushed in my face!
to be honest it dosent sound like you trust him, which can lead to a miserable relationship for both of you , but i would be a hypocrite if i advised you to end it because i couldnt even though i trusted my guy .
I f this guy is sincere then maybe you should be looking at building up the trust again as its a strain to be constantly checking up on your guy and its a strain on them to be constantly checked up on.
but i will leave the porn thing for others to advise on as i wouldnt know for sure
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Firstly, looking at pornography is not "going behind someone's back". Pornography is very separate from the intimacy shared by 2 live people, and serves a totally different function. Masturbation is just relief from sexual tension, or a chance to experiment with fantasies that one is too nervous to share, or even sometimes a chance to focus totally inward and not worry about pleasing a partner. It doesn't detract from sex in a relationship because it's pretty much a distinct thing.
If this is some kind of promise you've wrangled him into, I'd say to release him from it.
If this is something he wants to do for himself, the onus is on you to trust him to do it on his own.
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