A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How would a man behave if he were conflicted with choosing between his new life, new woman and his old life/wife and kids? I would really appreciate hearing from actual men how they would handle this sort of decision. Additionally, I am nothing special compared to his ex. I'm not sure whether or not I should get out of the way and let them try once more or he's just a jerk. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): he's always been comparing you to her. It's not that he was so sure his marriage sucked so bad that he needed to get out forever and close that chapter.
instead he weighed his options - you or her. At the time he chose you. Now, 2 years later, he's again weighing his options. People like this will forever be looking over their shoulder and waffling. such people should be avoided as business partners and as marriage partners.
And if she's a manipulative person, then it could very well be that she's still exerting control over him even now when their marriage is long over. She's probably using the kids as pawns to guilt trip him into getting back with her. A strong man with strength of convictions wouldn't have gotten into such a marriage with such kind of woman to begin with, so the fact that he did says a lot about him, it shows he has poor judgment and a weak character, and those traits are coming into play again now.
I think you're probably better off without him because he may be waffling the rest of his life. Even if he's still with you, he's not entirely with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): Hi, this is the OP. Thanks for the responses so far. But what led me to ask this question has been his reluctance to let both his ex wife and myself in the same room at the same time, his defensive attitude if I should ever say anything about her. I admit I have been a little critical of her in the past but I stop saying anything long ago because i realized I was just being childish. However, in the past 6 months or so he has been involving her into his everyday life more and more and also becoming more and more secretive about how much contact they have with eachother. I do think that I am partially to blame for his quieting down because it does bother me when they communicate about things other than their kids but the main reason for that is she's a manipulative woman and I completely believe she hasn't let go and still holds out hope. They were'nt separated for very long when we started out, he was the one who wanted the divorce. So she likes to put the blame on me for it, which is wrong. But I could have been the only thing that stopped him from going back back then. It's been 2 years. I don't know, I hope thats enough info. Thanks.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (6 July 2011):
As a divorced man with a child, I don't have any conflict. None at all. Once I made the decision to pursue a divorce that was it... I was moving on. I do not in any way desire getting back with my ex, or living my old life. I DO miss coming home to my child every single day, but even that fades in time. Now I just appreciate my daughter all the more on the days she's with me, so she gets higher quality time with me, and on the days I don't have her I enjoy the freedom of being child-free. I think most men operate the way I do. We're pretty practical, and not very emotional. Thus we don't feel that inner conflict to give our ex another chance. Now, it is possible your guy might still be interested in sex with his ex (especially if she's very attractive) but that doesn't mean he wants to get back with her. That would be the guy fitting the stereotypical "dog" role men get tagged with.OP, what kind of behavior led you to ask this question?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): maybe he would start comparing the 2 of you or start seeing more of her. maybe she would start putting him in positions where he would have to choose between you women. or maybe he would start using his kids as excuse to be around them more. he might test you to see if you are really better than the wife. i dont know but good luck
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (6 July 2011):
it really depends on the man and how self-aware he is and his level of "emotional intelligence" in handling his conflicting feelings and his ex-wife. there's a reason he's divorced rather than happily married to his ex-wife. but many people don't know how to move on from their divorces or how to re-adjust to life being a single parent. His ex-wife and his kids are not an all-or-nothing package, courts exist to make sure this isn't the case. Unless he's making it to be, like because he can't handle a new kind of relationship with his kids (the kind where he doesn't live under the same roof with them year-round). Lots of men re-marry and go on to live healthy lives with their new spouse while continuing to be good fathers to their kids from their previous marriage. Others don't. so there isn't a standard answer.
But my guess is that if you're asking this question, that means that the guy you're seeing hasn't successfully moved on from his divorce. if he's even considering "trying once more" with his ex-wife, then that means he's not in any position (emotionally wise) to be in a new relationship. so i would consider that a sign that you should leave him until or unless he has sorted out his own life and is able and ready to be in a new relationship.
if he's not even divorced and is thinking of "trying once more" with his wife, then all the more you should get out of this relationship.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2011):
 I know am not a man but I would like to comment anyway. I guess something has happened in your relationship that is making you question if he wants to get back with his ex or not. He split up from his ex therefore unless there is real doubt about the split up I don't see why he would want to go back to a past relationship. As for his children well they should be a different case because it shouldn't matter who he is with he still is there father and should spend quality time with them. Has something happened that has made you feel that he wants to have his old life back? Talk to him and ask him what it is he wants out of life.
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