A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My question is would you stay married to a man who lies and sneaks around behind your back. We have been married for 31 years, and 2 years ago I discovered he was watching porn and masturbating, we had no sex life, no wonder, anyway he promised to stop, we went to see a counsellor once and she said he was a sex addict and would need help to stop the masturbating as he had done that since being a kid, he didn't go for help and led me to believe he had stopped, although I didn't really think he had, it's a very hard habit to break, I think he may have stopped watching the films though. He used to do it with me there and although I didn't like it I thought well better for him to do it in front of me than behind my back, we sometimes have sex but he masturbates more, anyway he did this one morning and later I had to go out shopping when I returned he was acting strange so I checked the lube and sure enough it had gone down, he had been masturbating whilst I was out, I confronted him, well basically I hit the roof, this is taking away everything from our sex life how will it ever get better if he does not stop this, he just says that it is because we have been married for 31 years, but in the same breath he says he has done it since being 8yrs old so that doesn't make sense, if he did it few and far between I would not be so angry but it seems to be all the time and he certainly prefers it, should I insist that he goes to counselling or refuse to have any sex with him until he realises it is serious, thanks for any advice
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation, but you are not alone. It is a growing problem that few people understand and sexual addiction is hard to wrap your mind around when it is an addiction to masturbation.
Mutual masterbation won't help your situation, he probably won't want to participate anyways.
Your husband actually had a chemical addiction and it will not go away on it's own, he WILL need help! The chemicals are produced by his own body when he masterbates and just like a drug addiction, he will go through withdrawels, cravings, crankiness....everything any other addict goes through.
Here are a couple of good web-sites that are helpful : recoverynation.com and npsupport.net I wish you the best. I feel your pain because I had to leave a relationship with the exact same problem and it is very painful and debilitating to the woman caught in this situation.
One last thing.....this has nothing to do with you. I am sure he loves you very much, but men with actress wives even get caught up in this supposedly 'harmless' activity and it gets the best of them....think Christie Brinkley and Tea Leoni. Get help for yourself, it is a very hard thing to understand.
A
female
reader, KandyI  +, writes (27 May 2009):
If I were you then I would talk to him and try to join in obviously he likes to masterbate so let your freak flag fly and challenge him to a competition and tell him you will add mutual masterbation to you guy's sex life. My fiance loves it and we have the best sex all the time. But he always lets me know that he likes touching. So during sex I will put moves on him.
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